Monday, December 21, 2009

Happy.

I haven't posted in, oh... FOREVER. And it's not because I haven't wanted to, but more because I've been so busy.

I worked my ass off to be where I am right now, and then... now I'm... just absolutely content.

For those of you who don't know, I've been trying to get my own business venture off the ground. Well, I've got a site up - http://www.carryoncommerce.com and I am thrilled to say that things are looking up for 2010. It's been a long, hard 4 years, but life is starting to calm itself down.

The site is going well and I have clients lined up for the next few months. I am excited about the potential for next year's earning and growth.

I am overjoyed.

Anyway, I've got to clean the kitchen and get ready to bake a few more cookies tomorrow since the kids have eaten all of the cookies we've made so far!

I'll try to post more often!

Audrey

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

The New Diet...

I'm quite excited to share that I'm finally ready to take the steps needed to get my ass back in shape. I've let it slide a little too long, and I'm bummed that some of my favorite clothes can't be worn because my ass is too large for them!

I've got a great wardrobe a couple sizes smaller than I am right now, and damn it, it's time I did something about this!

SO... I start my new diet and workout plan Sunday. I'm giving myself one last weekend of silliness, then BAM, taking it to the next level.

I'm currently pudgy, and wish to be svelte once again. That is all for tonight, as my eyelids are drooping and it's beyond my bedtime.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Some of my newest lyrics...to my newest song...:)

....Love... it's a blessing to share and receive... from friends, family and strangers on the street. A smile, a touch, or a warm embrace, it's the light of love that shows us God's grace. ...

I'll post one of me playing it soon- gotta borrow a guitar for recordin'...

-Audrey Korshoff

And... hey here's another little tidbit from me...


I've loved and lost, I've loved and shown men the door, but through all the heartaches and breaks, I learned to love myself more. :)

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The love of my life.

The man who showed me the capacity to love again, loves me. He called me tonight to FINALLY let me know that he's so torn up about me and wants to have us together, forever...

This from the man who has always said he's loved me, but has always found some reason to fight it off, or explain why we can't be together.

He shocked me tonight, and let me know that he can't get me out of his head. That he wants to create a life with me, that he needs me, and loves me. I have waited two years to hear this, but I never expected to hear it. I had pretty much written off the possibility of him ever overcoming his love fear... and just accepted that we would remain friends.

Part of me is absolutely shocked, but the other part of me knows it's just the plain old truth. It's been plainly obvious, and we've admitted to loving one another, we've tried to make it work out in our heads, when it already worked out in our hearts... and we ended up resolving to just stay friends while we sorted out our crazy lives.

He asked me to come spend time with him and his children while they are visiting. He wants my children there too. He wants us to be a family.

I told him that I still loved him and would always love him. I also told him to sleep on it and see if that's what he really wanted. He told me he's slept on it for long enough...that he needs me and loves me and wants me to be his partner.

Oh. God. Help me.

The man that I've loved, loves me and finally wants to do something about it. Oh, my God.

I have to sleep on this, if I can sleep.... I just got blindsided by something I knew was real but had resolved that would never come to pass. Guess that's what's funny about love and tryin' to decide...

I told him I'm going to just take the night to think about it and then we'll see what we can do to work it out... and he ended the conversation with, ok... that's fine. Just come home.

Oh, I'm gonna have to really think about this one... He's my best friend. He's always been someone I have fun spending time with and someone I have dreamed (its been a mutual dream) of building a life and our family together.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Lights, Camera, Action

We started our morning early today, and me with a late night last night. Madelyn and Kaitlyn are part of a movie called Blue Valentine. I'm typing this from the holding room after they just finished filming a scene where they were leaving the building with their "parents"..

I don't know much about the movie, other than it's supposed to be a love story and has Ryan Gosling in it. He's cuter in person. Taller than I thought he'd be.

The girls are dressed in red, white and blue and will later be part of a musical number. It's a compilation of Yankee Doodle and My Country Tis Of Thee. All the kids are so cute and it's really a lot of fun to be here with them getting the chance to be in this movie. Sure, they're just extras, but it will be cool to see the movie on the big screen.

We are on the move again...

Now the girls are back in the auditorium that they set up so cute, all patriotic with silver hanging stars and a flag background... they're going to be filming the musical number now, and all the parents have been shuffled back to the holding area. While watching them rehearse earlier, Miss Madelyn was quite the showman, just like she does at home. Kate did a great job too, she's in the back row, standing... and Madelyn is in the middle row, smack in the middle, kneeling- she gets on her knees and sits up so straight, and squares right off without being told, she really looks like she knows what she's doing, and like she's been doing it for years.

I guess this is partly why she talks to my bedroom mirror whenever she comes up to talk to me, she's staging herself even with simple conversations with me. Still really cute.

The food here is great, they're feeding us all well. There has been an ample supply of chips and such for all the kids to knosh on.

So far, I've had two celebrity spottings, Michele (can't remember her last name right now even though I know it- she was married to Heath Ledger) and Ryan Gosling. We've had very little interaction with either, but Ryan seems to be more personable in general. Everyone just rushes around, then waits, rushes around then waits.

Either way, it's been a really fun day, and the kids have had a blast. Kaitlyn has made a new friend, and Madelyn plays her friend's sister in one scene. I think it's because they're both wearing white dresses.

More to come later, I'm off to play on facebook and then hopefully find a plug so I can maintain my internet fix.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

School's Out... for the summer!

And we're planning our get away! More details about our trip, and the bulk of my blogging this summer will be done on www.singlemomroadtrip.com. I am currently looking for donations and selling a sponsorship to help defray the cost of our travels.

Our budget is a tight one though, and the majority of our spending will be done for lodging/campgrounds (I'm packing up a "camp kitchen"). In addition, we'll be spending most of our time with family and friends to cut down on the financial burden. The first three weeks of our trip are "lodging free".

Anyway... you'll be able to see videos and photos from our trip being uploaded, and we also have a fan page on Facebook, so you can follow us on Facebook as well! Just look up "SingleMomRoadTrip.com" if you're having trouble finding us.

I have six days to finish cleaning the house, packing up our things in the car, and figuring out the best way to store all the thing we need. More on that at the other blog too.

Some people think I'm crazy, but I am really excited for this adventure. It's one that I've always wanted to take... and I think it will be something that the kids and I remember and treasure for years to come.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

My Boys being SILLY...



My Kids wanted their own YouTube account, as they LOVE watching iCarly, and have dreamed of their own show. Well, I caved. I figure as long as I know the passwords and have the ability to check it, it's better off if *I* have the control and can see what they're doing. They're happy to show it anyway.

Sigh... my kids are growing up. I remember making videos with my PXL2000... and cassette tapes. I just bought my kids an Acer Aspire One with a built in webcam, so times have definitely changed.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Back To My Normal, Crazy Self...

That week in TN was great for me. The kids played, I sat by the pool and tanned, laughed and had a wonderful time with some of my dear friends. My friend Todd cheered me up just by being his crazy self and there was even a love connection between my friend Todd and my friend Laura, who also spent a lot of time at Todd's place while we were there.

All in all, a very positive trip.

I'm back, and back to normal... which for me is always perfectly imperfect. The art turned out awesome, so I'm excited for that too.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Takin' Off To Tennessee...

I decided yesterday I needed to surround myself with the one person who loves me and my absolutely crazy self - even when I'm having a moment like this. The one person who takes the clouds in my soul and shoos them away, leaving only my soul to shine brightly again - just by being in his presence. I know I do the same for him.

I'm not telling people I'm heading south, I called him and he told me to "C'Mon!".... to bring the kids and he's got plenty of room... and we'll just hang out and let them play and sit and talk. He lives on a bunch of land, out in the country just outside of Nashville... and honestly, I need to just sit around in the backyard with him and hang. He's got his kids rooms with extra beds, and said he had seven kids at the house this past week... so he told me to get in the car and head on down.

I'm in. Maybe I can even try to squeeze in a few interviews while I'm down there with the kids. I might bring my plants down too, and plant some in his yard...Hm. This could be exactly what I need to pull myself out of my funk. We'll see.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Incredibly Negative

I'm just having a day. I feel incredibly negative today. Loneliness creeps in, despite a full house. I'm having one of those days where I just wish I could POOF and disappear... or POOF and have someone there to hold me and hug me...
That's really what I want... a night of being held... with nothing else...I just want a big, night long hug. Odd, I know, but hugs make you feel better.

Going to try and cheer myself up... I did do four paintings (well started them) today, and I'm waiting for the layers to dry so I can do the next ones...

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I've lived by this, and will continue to...

"Chase the dream, not the competition".

I write, sing and paint because I love to do it. People love my work because they feel the emotion I put into what I do. I chase the dream of being successful my creative talents...and pushing the envelope to open myself more and more to pour out even more emotion in words, voice and on canvas.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

"Boys Shack. Men Make Homes."

I read that quote above, in the new book "Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man" by Steve Harvey.

I was in the middle of Sam's club, and had heard a few pieces of an interview or two, so I picked it up to peruse the book. I flipped through it, and had two things jump out at me. The first, was the title of this blog.

Truly the above could apply to both sexes. As I was cleaning my house and picking up the kids toys, pondering life as a single woman with some very special men (or are they boys?) in my life, I started to think about what it is I truly want, if anything, from these men. Is it friendship? Am I truly just enjoying their time as a friend? Do I want anything more to develop? Am I content with the status quo?

In Nashville, and here too, I know plenty of boys. I know plenty of boys who masquerade as men as well. After all the mental sorting, I know a handful of men.

I know what I want in life. I want to make a home with someone who is my best friend, confidante and lover. Someone who will accept me for all my positives and negatives. Someone who will know when to give me space, and when I just want to be held. Someone who loves my children, as they would their own. Someone who my kids love right back. Someone who loves me that I love in return. That's what I want.

I don't want to rush ANY of that above paragraph either. I'm in NO hurry to find said person, develop said relationship, or any of that good stuff. As far as I'm concerned, the best stuff in life takes time to grow, develop and mature.

It's true... the things that take time to mature are wine, cheese and men. Once you get a hold of a good one, you savor the moments and make it last.

The second quote that caught my eye was actually a chapter title. "The Ninety Day Rule". This rule makes a decent amount of sense, and I like the way he put it. The premise, is to wait ninety days before sex. Now, that might seem like a long time, but... it does fly by... and I agree with what Steve said in his book- that men know that a good woman is worth waiting for.

Going further, if someone just wanted me for sex, and didn't want to develop a relationship or get to know me, then where's the benefit for me? I can satisfy any itch I need to scratch... on my own.

What he also said in the book was to think about Cleopatra, or Helen of Troy... women who brought men to their knees, had them fighting wars... for what? The love of a woman/Sex. I think a lot of women do know their own power, but rarely exercise it to the best of their ability.
I'm sometimes guilty of not utilizing my woman-power... (Yes, I did watch She-Ra and loved it - By the power of Greyskull!)

I think getting to know someone over a 90 day period is completely logical, and in the interest of a long-term relationship, probably the best thing to do. In a world where everything is "on-demand", waiting to develop a sexual relationship is "worth the wait" and makes you, as a woman, an instant rarity and treasure.

So that's what I was thinking about as I was cleaning. I took a break to write it down so I wouldn't forget it (that happens often).

Gotta finish cleaning up the house before the kids get home...

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Planning a Cross-Country Summer Trip...

So I've always wanted to plan a FUN-filled exploring kind of trip across the country but have never been able to just pick up and leave for an extended amount of time... well, I thought about it, and this summer, the kids and I are going to have our "Summer of Fun". We need a little bonding time together and I am up to the challenge of taking them on a summer trip they'll remember forever.

I'm trying to be smart about it, so I'm researching destinations and campgrounds along the way. I'd really like to get them all sorted out, so we can have a healthy distribution of things to do and hiking/camping.

Originally I was just going to throw the tents/sleeping bags in the car and go... but then I started thinking about it... and my Honda Pilot can tow, so I thought about it more and found this perfect addition to my trip.

http://www.forestriverinc.com/nd/default22.asp?page=floorview&model=RP-172&choice=rpod&nav=rec&name=6&series=Rpod

Anyway, I'm planning and researching now, but I really like the idea of doing a lot of hiking, camping and the trailer will just assist in the times when we're not at a campground or national park... saves money when you can cook for yourself and not feed munchkins lots of icky fast food.

I have to talk to a friend of mine and see if he's game to travel with me and the kids (and his dog), so we can take a summer trip full of physical activity, fun sights, educational stops (come on, learning about something vs. SEEING something which would you remember better?) and a summer of fun.

So right now, I'm scouring websites for campgrounds, national parks with hiking and fun stuff.

I figure if I can swing it somehow... I will do it for as long as I can. So we'll see. I really, really want that R-Pod, so badly! I think it would be awesome. I might have to sell my little Honda to help pay for it... but I think I could swing it if I sell enough stuff around here that I have. Plus, all my soaps and artwork. I can do it!

Now back to my printing and organizing... I think I'll start with AAA's website and their trip calendar thing they have... more later!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Oh what a week!

I mentioned that I was going to Nashville for CRS week, and was so excited that I'd be seeing my friends... well, I am and was. I had a great time!

Wednesday, I drove down there, and then when I got into town I headed straight for my friend Todd's house, for his baptism party. That was fun, pictures got taken, I could only stay for a little while, and then headed north again towards Nashville.

I got a phone call from my friend Tiff, and she was in Green Hills, so I stopped off to see her at a friend's bus... and ran into another friend of mine! We all ended up hanging out that night between the buses and then hit up our favorite bar, Losers. It was so good to see some old friends and laugh. It was a great start to a wonderful long weekend.

Then, Thursday I went to CRS and hung out at the Bridge Bar, only after getting a REALLY Hot dress from Aimee at Flavour! I did a video for her too, and I still have to edit it. It was so wonderful to see her and she did a great job dressing me for Thursday's CRS event! I am going to have to pick up a few more dresses next time I'm in town!

At Bridge Bar, I was able to see a TON of people I know, and it was surprising how loved I felt, as I sat there and kept seeing more and more people I knew, and I would get hug after hug, and then the same question..."Are you back in Nashville for good?"... I would tell everyone the same thing. I'm working on it, and I'm finally ready. Everything's handled.

I got a lot of great job leads (even in the economy's state), and met some new people too!

I ended up hanging all over downtown and midtown on Thursday night, rockin' out my dress... and had a blast!

Friday morning I woke up and felt human only after a ton of Starbucks. I looked like a train wreck until I got to my friend Brandi's house and we got to chat and I got to grab a shower. She even made me waffles! It was great catching up with her and I got to play her a song of mine as well. When I left there, I headed towards Losers to catch up with JJ and her new friend Josh Hoge. We sat there at the bar chatting for a bit, then I decided to head back towards downtown for more CRS fun. After a quick trip to Printers Alley and a couple hours of karaoke fun... Friday night proved to be a great night out, and I was treated to a great show courtesy of Digital Rodeo and CRS, that had all sorts of new country artists performing covers. My hands down favorite of the evening was Emily West singing "Nothing Compares 2 U". I closed out the evening at Broadway Brewhouse with some old NEPA friends.

Saturday morning I got up, showered and hit the door... went to Losers to check in and sit on the porch. That's all I wanted to do. Just sit there, and hang out on the porch. I thought I would be able to run into some old friends, and I was right. Little by little, they all ended up coming in, and by the end of the day, there was a great crowd of my favorite people... all hanging out on the porch and laughing.

Saturday night was the same way. I ended up being well behaved, and knew I had a long drive coming up.

Overall, I maximized the time I spent in Nashville. I can't wait to get back (for good).

So on the way home, I had almost no voice, which I attributed to all the yelling over bands, and talking and singing and carrying on... as well as the drinking... and didn't ever think it MIGHT be that I was getting sick. Whooops.

Yeah, I have spent the majority of this week in bed, sleeping, breaking fevers and coughing. Overall, I got what the kids had. I fell hard.

Last night, I got a phone call from Jon again. Not the first time this week, but it was a late phone call so I was surprised. I picked up, and after a little conversation, including him saying that he thought of me when he noticed it was karaoke night, he told me that he owed me a weekend. I inquired, laughing and asked why... and he said that he knew I came down there several times and that he owed me a weekend where he showed up here. I said, ok... when did you want to come up? And he gave me a date of April 18th. Haha! A month out... I just said, ok, let me know and I'll find out what's going on then and we'll go out and have fun.

I'm finally feeling a little bit better... I think by tomorrow I should be back on my game. :) Of course, that's just in time to clean up the house for the kids to wreck it this weekend. Haha!
And, they get out early tomorrow.

So, that's kind of it, my week in a really short post. I had a lot of fun, and still have SO much work to do with editing down all my videos and getting them up on the new site. I hope I can get some of that done this weekend... plus there's Parade Day on Saturday. I don't know if I can get to that or not - gotta see about a sitter.

Monday, March 2, 2009

God Help Me.

I have got to be crazy, or confused... I am not quite sure.

I think everyone who has read this blog since I started it knows about Jon. I still refer to him as "the man I thought I would marry" when describing our past relationship. I still have VERY fond memories of some of our times together...He's someone I really enjoy spending time with. I still have vivid memories of a few of our more intimate moments... still and potentially forever unmatched in passion.

He started calling me more regularly about a month ago... again, the Melissa thing was over. I very clearly told him I wasn't going to be his go-to girl whenever things with them didn't work out.

Something happened a few weeks ago. I was out late, with friends, had a few drinks in me and was at a truck stop diner with them when my phone rang. It was Jon, getting ready for work, and we had a long conversation, in which I told him I was glad he called again, but that I wasn't looking for me to get emotionally invested again if that's what he was trying to do, and that I wasn't going to sleep with him and I wasn't going to come visit him, and that I very clearly understood that he didn't want to take the chance on love with me. I told him I really did love him, but that I wasn't going to do that to myself again. I told him that I would love to still be friends with him and that if he ever decided he was ready to leap to let me know.

I even told him I was pretty much done with dating for right now. I was concentrating on maintaining and growing friendships, that I had dated enough for a while... and I was fortunate to have a few good friends here in town that understood the craziness that is me...

After that call, he took about a week off from calling me. I expected that he would probably not call me for a long time.

**Took about an hour or so break from writing this because he called.**

Anyway, it was a while before we talked... but he called. It was something simple at first, he needed help with a computer thing. I helped him, and we chatted, and that was that. Friendly phone call, I hung up when I was done and excused myself so I could tend to whatever I was doing.

He called again the next night, just seeing how my day went, asking about blah blah... just to chat.

Ok, so he's lonely. I'm a friend he knows he can call. I again, excused myself after we talked for about 5-10 minutes.

Well, the phone calls have picked up again, to the point where it's not every day, but it's often enough. And I laugh. I really laugh. I enjoy our conversations.

And we've had some funny conversations, just like we used to do... but again, I stand by what I have said. I'm not allowing myself to go there again. And I'm okay with it, I'm okay with being just friends this time around. He even asked me if I wanted to go on a singles cruise with him- because none of his guy friends wanted to. I told him I would go, it would be fun. The truth is, I've been wanting to go on one too... and had even talked with another friend about trying to plan something like that.

So what changed today?

Nothing really, except the reason for the blog was spurred by a phone call from earlier tonight (yes, he called twice tonight, the first time was while he was out) from him.

His opening line... "Hey... I was sitting here thinking about something you said you'd send me a long time ago."
Me: "Oh, your swim trunks, I'm sorry, yes, I have them, just email me an address and I'll get them out to you tomorrow."
Him: "No, well, yes, I need those for when I go see the kids again, but no, I was thinking about something else..."
Me: "Oh... (dumbfounded pause)... What?"
Him: "You told me a long time ago you'd burn a CD of Country Music for me, and I was wondering if you still would. (He hates country... says it's whiny, and I told him to give it a shot, to let me put some fun country together on a cd and he might just like it)
Me: "Um, yeah, sure... no problem."

It went into more conversation and then I told him that I could barely hear him so to give me a call back later if he wanted to talk because I couldn't hear him at the bar.

I didn't expect that he would call back.

He did. And again, we talked for an hour. About silly stuff, random stuff, TV shows, funny things that happened recently in our lives, the kids, his daughter's upcoming birthday, my trip to Nashville.

Shrug... I don't know. I just don't know.

God Help Me. Give me the strength to not love this man. Allow me to keep that gate to my heart closed, locked tight... and not allow myself to openly love him again. I'm strong now, but I know with more phone calls like the one above, that cites information/memories and stuff from our past... It might be harder later down the line.

God Help Me... stay focused on all the good things I have going on in my life. My good friends, my new dating options (Plentyoffish.com), my trip to Nashville. I cannot allow myself to put Jon back into my potential future again. I cannot. I will not.

It would truly take an act of God for this man to decide that he's ready to take that leap of faith... to ACT on the love he has said he has for me in the past... but I know is too afraid to do anything about.

So I'm ok with being JUST his friend. I do know that I'm going to have to keep my boundaries set, my walls firm.... and well... keep relying on God when I'm feeling weak.

I feel better already.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

March Already? Wow!

I'm having a hard time believing it's March already...

My kids are running around this house because it's so freakin' cold outside, and they've built a massive fort in the living room using all sorts of blankets and comforters. Of course, now that it's built, they've all but abandoned it.

Today is my sister's 28th birthday. My brother's 21st will be in a month. THAT is scary. It's funny how many people in my family were born on the 1st of the month. Three of my kids, my two siblings... all different months. We have five months out of the year cornered. Ha!

I'm learning to play in Windows Movie Maker, trying to edit down some videos I took of the kids and learning how to work the camera and the editor a bit more. I'll be sure to post some of the kids when I get them finished. :)

Anyway, that's it for now, we just finished a bagel/donut breakfast... and I had a large French Vanilla coffee too. Yum!

XOXO, Me

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Eight is Enough, Nights In Rodanthe and Drunken Late Night Texts... Whew.

The Sleepover

Well, I'm officially crazy I think. I had the neighborhood kids over for a sleepover... all at once. That means I had 8 kids here, 10 and under total. Whew.

Surprisingly, it started out alright. The kids INHALED all the snacks I put out, and then my neighbor Joann brought over 3 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies... which were gone in approximately 5 minutes. I'm not exaggerating. Five minutes. Gone.

When I shooed them all out of the kitchen, I put on a movie that they agreed on. My living room was a pile of blankets, webkins and kids. All over the place. My oldest was acting up a bit, so I kept pulling him out of the room and putting him in his room. Then there was the noise. After a long day, let me tell you... six little girls make a LOT of noise. It was like they weren't watching the movie. They were bouncing off the walls from their sugar high of Girl Scout Cookies.

I was upstairs, in my room watching my own movie (Nights In Rodanthe) and had to get up several times to ask them to calm down so I could hear the words on the TV in my room.

At the end of the night, I put everyone on bedtime alert around 11:30, saying it was time to settle down and get to bed. By 12:30 all the girls relocated to my girls room, instead of the living room, and when I passed by the room on my way to the bathroom, there was a glow of Nintendo DS screens. They were ALL up, playing. As I walked closer to the bathroom and passed my boys room, both of them were up, laying on their bellies, with their DS screens open too. I was SO tired and SO ready to pass out cold. I reminded everyone it was bedtime and I went to bed.

I woke up this morning to someone (one of the girls) saying "Oreo" repetitively, like no lie 200-300 times outside my bedroom door, loudly. It was part of the DS game, they have to say their pets name or something. I find this extremely annoying as part of a DS game. I asked the girls to relocate their DS playing to the living room at 7am. About 6 hours of sleep... that just wasn't enough last night. I was an active dreamer last night too, I remember waking a few times and being restless, so I don't think it was a restful night of sleep.

This morning, it's 10am, and everyone's blankets are back at their houses, along with the webkins... and I have a new appreciation for families with 8 kids (or more). Like the old TV show says, Eight is Enough. I'm still exhausted.

Nights in Rodanthe

I am so disappointed. I put it in, expecting a love story... and well, let's just say as a divorced woman, I was pissed to be robbed of the romantic story with a feel good ending.

SPOILER ALERT**

So basically, here's the story. Divorced woman with bratty daughter and quiet/sick son struggles to meet everyone's needs. She fills in for a friend on her weekend off at her friend's hotel, even though there's a nasty storm on the way. Right before she leaves her ex tells her he wants to come back home, and realizes his mistake in cheating on her. She says she needs time to think and they'll discuss it at a later date. She goes to the inn, meets the only guest (Richard Gere), they fall in love over the weekend, and they resolve a bunch of their issues and become renewed. (up to this point, I enjoyed the movie). He has to go to some foreign country to meet up with his son and it's gonna be a few months... they send love letters back and forth, back and forth, with pictures and her friend comments how he's a keeper. She prepares for him to come see her now that he's coming back into town, and she makes a special dinner... he doesn't show up. The next morning, his son appears on her doorstep, and lets her know his father was killed in a mudslide where they were.

He hands he a box of his fathers things, including all her letters to him, pictures, a book, and a letter she hadn't read yet because it hadn't been sent.

She goes into a deep depression, her daughter comes around and movie ends with her seeing the wild horses at Rodanthe, then on a pier with her kids and blowing a kiss into the wind.

Fuck THAT.

Sure, that's what every woman wants to hear... a love story where the guy dies... before they really get to spend time together. Ugh, depressing.

I am pissed at Nicholas Sparks.

As as divorced woman who finds it hard enough to believe that true happiness is indeed out there in a mate, I don't want to see this crap where someone finds happiness only to have love again snatched out from under her. Thanks, Nick. Asshole.

It is not a "feel good" story because she sees horses. Or because she feels better about herself.

Sigh. Yes, I was pissed that I wasted my life on that movie.

Drunken Late Night Texts

Normally, I don't mind my friends who send me late night texts because 1. I'm usually up and 2. I usually laugh... and sometimes, I'm the culprit of the late night text sending.

I didn't get the texts till this morning at 7am when I was awakened by the OREO yelling... and I read one that made me a little ticked off.

I can't quite be sure if it's the fact that I'm still pissed about the movie and read it in my fuming about the Oreo yelling and being awakened way too early on a Saturday...

This person knew I had 8 kids at the house...but I'm gonna let him off the hook and assume it was the alcohol talking. After all, it was late on a Friday night. I think it's more my frustration at wanting something physical to happen between us more than the silly text itself... oh, that and the lack of sleep/pissed off at the movie ending.

FIN

Well, that's all for now. I am working on building up these blog posts a bit. I'll have to come back and add in the links for the movie and stuff later. Right now, I want to go curl up in my bed and see if I can doze off again... all the extra kids are gone and mine are watching some annoying show with a whiny kid on the Disney channel (I realize that is just about all of them). Yawn...

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Things that Make You Go Hmmm....

One of my friends recently introduced me to PlentyofFish.com, which I had seen in numerous advertisements throughout MySpace and Facebook, but had not ever visited or signed up. According to their stats, they say that 49% of women who have signed up have had success there. Best part? It's free.

So, I started filling it out, and then I stopped at part two. The questions had me stalled out, because I don't know what I'm really looking for right now anyway.

My divorce is final, I am officially in the "divorced" category. I have kids, for whom cleaning up after, caring for and feeding takes up about 95% of my time, even though they're all in school now. Do I have time to commit to dating? I've tried, don't get me wrong... I tried dating, and most of what I got was people not interested in me because I have four kids, one man who broke my heart, one man who really wanted to settle down with me and was feelin' it more than I was (I ended that) and a pile of guy friends who won't ever be anything else because none of them would ever want to "go there". I agree with them for the most part, and like the friendships I have, so I'm not needing to "fall in love and out of the friend zone" any time soon. But it's something to think about. What AM I looking for?

I know I blogged about this at some point last year, but as my life changes, my desires and needs change too. That's the whole point of getting older and wiser, right?

I guess with another birthday passed and another year older... I've come to realize some things that have come full circle with me. I'd rather sit at home on the couch having a few beers with someone I can have a conversation with than go out and have a few beers and get hit on by random strangers.

Despite my active sex drive, I'd rather forego sex these days than even attempt to deal with another man getting too attached (like the last time I tried dating) too soon. It's 2009, there are ways a woman can take care of the sex drive needs and not be ashamed about it. Hell, batteries aren't even required anymore.

But back to PlentyOfFish.com - yes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. I just don't know if I'm even swimming in the ocean, or maybe in a tidepool. I am here in PA and aside from a few friends that I've made up here, I pretty much feel like a fish out of water.

I mean, there's got to be other single moms out there that are looking to find an eventual companion that isn't weirded out by the fact that there are kids involved already. There's got to be other single moms that have eccentric beliefs, thoughts, talents, dreams and aren't afraid to voice them or pursue them... right?

I think this comes back down to feeling out of my element a little bit ever since I was in grade school. I've always been bright and bubbly. I've always been friendly. I have always managed to fit in just enough to not fit into one space only. I prefer to fit into many different groups because I consider myself multi-faceted. It's difficult to find (especially in this area) someone who appreciates your multi-facetedness and boldness in living life.

The signup form on the site tells me to post about my hobbies, goals, inspirations, taste in music and what makes me unique. Well, I don't think there's enough room for that and honestly, I don't know that most people would want to read or take the time to read such a long description. Do I want to spend time filling that out? What's worse, is that I don't know if I want to sign up simply to see what's out there or if I really want to find something. Do I?

I guess the short answer to the what I'm looking for is simply this: I'm looking for someone who I enjoy spending time with, someone I can be myself with, laugh with, play around with, someone who loves not only me but my kids too and someone that I have at least some sort of physical attraction to as well. In addition, I'm looking for someone that has their own life, their own experiences, their own life separate from mine. I don't want or need a twin, or someone else attached to my hip. I do want someone who is independent enough to be able to survive and/or not freak out if I go out with my other friends... and not them. Most importantly, my kids and my friends have to like this person for it to go anywhere serious. Oh, and it takes me knowing someone a while before anyone meets my kids or comes over to hang out.

Wow, I guess that wasn't a short answer huh?

Maybe I should copy and paste the whole thing into the PlentyOfFish.com sign up site. Well, I did. I also took their personality test. Here's what it has to say:

Congratulations! You just completed the Plenty of Fish Chemistry Predictor!

The Plenty of Fish Compatibility Predictor (CP) measures five broad relationship variables that are each essential for building romantic relationships. People don't need to score "high" on each of these characteristics to be in a fulfilling relationship. What's important is how your profile interacts with the profile of a potential romantic partner -- or what is commonly called “chemistry.” Based on decades of empirical research in the social sciences, the CP captures the five key ingredients that can determine whether or not two people have the “right” psychological chemistry. The relationship variables are: Self-Confidence, or the degree to which a person feels comfortable with him or herself. People that are high in self-confidence tend to be assertive and competent in both their private and public relationships. People that are low in self-confidence tend to be reticent and somewhat anxious. Family Orientation, or the degree to which a person supports and values the family. People that are family-oriented tend to want or already have children, are very close to their immediate relatives and prefer cooking at home to eating at a restaurant. People that are not family-oriented tend to be individualistic, unconventional and very much enjoy attending parties and social functions. Self-Control, or the extent to which a person exerts control over various aspects of life. People that are high in self-control tend have strong emotional reactions to things and try to regulate those feelings by micromanaging and attending to specific details. People that are low in self-control are usually relaxed, even-tempered and lenient. Openness, or the extent to which a person is open to and dependent upon others. People that are high in openness tend to like a wide range of things (e.g., food, music, movies, etc.), in part because they are concerned with pleasing other people. In contrast, people low in openness are very independent and opinionated; they know what they like and aren’t apt to change their opinion. Easygoingness, or a person’s work ethic and degree of mental flexibility. People that are high in easygoingness are very relaxed, broadminded and unaffected by change. In contrast, people low in easygoingness tend be hardworking, firm, and sometimes inflexible. IMPORTANT: Before reading your profile, remember that the report is based on generalizations from research on an international validation sample. Some feedback may not apply to your case. For instance, we know that overall those scoring "moderate or high" on Family Orientation tend to either want children soon or are open to the idea in the future. However, this generalization may not be accurate for all moderate and high scorers. Use these results for self-awareness and self-reflection...and hopefully as a conversation piece with other Plenty of Fish members!

Your Chemistry Test Results


Self-Confidence


As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.

The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.

Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation


As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.

You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.

What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.

Self-Control


The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.

As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.

Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

Openness


As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.

Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.

Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

Easygoingness


Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences.

High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.

How does your personality affect your love life?



With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.

Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.

Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.

As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.

Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

-------------------------

The results should be interesting.

-A

Monday, February 23, 2009

Testing via mobile.
Testing my new Ping account. Here's the deal folks... this can update every social network at once. So, I'm checkin' it out... what do you think? Ping.fm

Sunday, February 22, 2009

The Oscars... My commentary through the show.

I absolutely LOVED Hugh Jackman's opening song/dance. What a cute little addition by having Anne Hathaway join in! Brilliant, as usual, Mr. Jackman.



Awards...



I like the way they're doing the presenting this year, though I have to ask Goldie Hawn about her dress... her breasts are not fitting in the dress and are squished off to the side, near her armpits. Weird. She's a beautiful lady, just definitely that wasn't the "look" for her.



Congratulations to Penelope Cruz. Please don't faint. The vintage dress of hers is beautiful, she saw it first EIGHT years ago... and went back to get it- and it was still there!



Set...

I have to say I really like the set this year. Being that I'm a huge fan of the whole 1940s big band era, I love the fact that the band isn't shoved in the pit, that the stage is so close to the audience and it's a very cozy setting for a great show. Beyond that, it's simply gorgeous.



Screenplay:

Great presentation by Tina Fey and Steve Martin. They're always funny.



Congratulations to Dustin Lance Black, for MILK. Wow, I didn't realize he was so young! What a great story and acceptance speech.



Adapted Screenplay:

Congrats to Simon Beaufoy for Slumdog Millionaire. Funny, he looks a lot like my friend Danny Wells.



Animation:

Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black presented. Hahaha at the Oscar in the old fridge in Wall-E.

Congratulations to Andrew Stanton for Wall-E. Great speech and hey, I like his kids names! Ben and Audrey... well, I like his daughter's name especially! Hehehehe.



Best Animated Short Film:

Congrats to Le Maison en Petits Cubes and Kunio Kato. He was struggling so hard through his speech with his English and made everyone laugh with the Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto. Hahah, nice touch!



Commercial Break Thoughts: I just decided to do this since sitting here with the computer seemed like a good idea at the time. Hey, if you watch something, you might as well offer a commentary, right? I'm sitting at home and the shower has to be fixed tomorrow morning, as it's currently leaking water into my kitchen if I turn it on, so I haven't showered today and I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything until I shower. For some reason, unbenownst to me, I have a case of dry mouth. I think it's left over from the whole cold/fever thing... it's been here a few days. I keep drinking water and all that happens is I have to pee more, but the dryness has stayed. Also, I had such dry skin from the heater running, that somehow i managed to have a chapped lip on the crease of my mouth and I split it open, which has made eating and talking and anything that requires my mouth open enough to bite something, painful. I guess I could make smoothies, but I've been dousing it with split open Vitamin E capsules instead and fighting the urge to put my tongue on it which I know only will make it worse. Ok, back to the Oscars for now.



Oscars:

Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craig (he's so hot) present the awards.



Art Direction: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Costume Design: The Duchess - Michael O'Connor

Makeup Artist: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button



I don't have much to say about these, usually... as I haven't seen either movie, so I can't comment based on personal experience.



Amanda Seyfried and the guy who played Edward in Twilight presented a Romance movie montage. I should probably know his real name.



Commercial Break Commentary again:

So I should get up and refill my drink, I should also yell at the kids that aren't sleeping yet, and my friend Brian called and wants to go sing Karaoke. There is a contest tonight at Spurs, it's the whole Karaoke Contest from Crazy Chris, grand prize is $500. I don't really want to go. I'm more interested in sitting here and doing nothing. Besides, if I went anywhere, I know where I'd be.



Oscars:

Hugh's back on. Cinematographer. Natalie Portman and Stiller presenting. Ben's wearing some sort of weird beard and chewing gum, acting all disinterested, while Natalie is presenting. Ben's just walking around and the audience is laughing. Natalie is struggling to keep from laughing herself.



Cinematographer: Anthony Dod Mantle for Slumdog Millionaire. I can't be sure, but he looked like he was wearing sneakers with his suit.



Commercial Break Commentary:

Only two.



Oscars:

Jessica Biel presenting an honor to the guy who masterminded the digital effects used in all animated movies now... and back to commercial.



Commercial Break Commentary:

I can't believe that I'm still here on the same channel. I don't usually watch anything for this long. I have a horrible attention span. Either way, I'm ok with that. I know Brian's gonna start calling. I still don't feel like going anywhere. Especially with my mouth all chapped, I would rather stay home.



Oscars:

Comedy movie montage. Included a piece of the Reader... they laughed. Did the whole pineapple express character thing. Laughing at Doubt. Cute little bit... it was funny. Seth Rogan is so hot.



Jochen Freydank just won for a movie I've never heard of, I think it's a short movie.



Commercial Break Commentary: Brian called. I told him I don't think I'm going anywhere. He asked for me to call him if I change my mind. Um, no. He's a nice kid, but that's all I can see him as, and nothing more. He's been desperately trying to get closer to me, but I simply can't even begin to think about going there with him. He's 21. I mean, my brother will be 21 in April. My I changed my brother's diapers and babysat him. So you can understand how no matter what, mentally I cannot get past that. I have no idea why he finds me so interesting, or why he thinks we should go out together. I have not one thing in common with him and have blown him off since meeting him about a month ago. Bless him for trying.



Oscars:

Hugh singin' and dancin'.

Beyonce joins. Amanda Seyfried joins in too? And Vanessa Hudgens. I think... in the background as one of Beyonce's singers... they even do a whole HSM thing. Mamma Mia. Overall, enjoyable.

The musical is back, he proclaims. I agree. Everyone loves a musical.



Commercial Break Commentary: Mia Called, so I'm listening to her. Will catch up on the blog in the next commercial break.



Oscars:

Best Actor in a Supporting Role. Heath Ledger. Of course. The speech from his father and sisters was so absolutely beautiful, teary eyes were in the crowd. I was a huge fan of his, so I'm happy he got the win. The Dark Knight was amazing.



Documentary Feature: James Marsh



Documentary Short Film: Smile Pinki



Commercial Break Commentary: Still on the phone with Mia.



Oscars:

Action Movie Montage.



Will Smith presents an award for Outstanding Visual Effects. The Oscar goes to The Curious Case

Sound Editing: Dark Knight



Got involved in the conversation with Mia, so I saw Slumdog win a couple more... and then went to eat something downstairs, and then now just saw Slumdog Millionaire win for Original Score as well. The corner of my mouth hurts, as I just opened it to eat the leftover sloppy joe. Any bite of anything breaks it open again. Ow.



Oooh, cool Original Song dance.. I love indian dance. Hollywood has officially gone Bollywood with the huge wins for Slumdog Millionaire! Costuming is awesome. Cool song from Wall-E. Again, I'm loving the costuming and the ethnic diversity in the song. This one is almost bluesy, soul and slightly african in drum beat. Now we're back to the Slumdog song, the one where they all dance at the end. It ended with a really cool compilation of the two songs.



Original Song Oscar, Slumdog Millionaire, for the Jai Ho song- the popular last one. I like this guy... great quote. "All my life I've had the choice between hate and love. I chose love, and I'm here, so thank you." - A.R. Rachman.



Commercial Break Commentary: So I called Brian back after I hung up with Mia and bowed out of going out officially. He's out at a local bar nearby. He lives in the neighborhood. He might finally be getting the message that I'm just not into him. I should send him the movie ticket.



Oscars:

Best Foreign Language film goes to Departures, from Japan. I enjoy the acceptance speeches from people who barely speak English and are so excited for the win.



Commercial Break Commentary: I ended up talking with Mia till she was ready for bed, and I'm glad that she's feeling better than earlier. I ended up talking a lot about my life, as we hadn't caught up for a while uninterrupted. I'm surprised by some of what came out of my mouth. That new McDonald's Filet O Fish commercial with the fish on the wall is hysterical. I don't know why I like it so much, but it's good.



Oscars:

Queen Latifah does the remembrance bit. I always enjoy this part of the process. Oh, beautiful choice. "I'll be seeing you"... Cyd Charisse, Bernie Mac, bud Stone, Ollie Johnston, Van Johnson, J. Paul Huntsman, Michael Crichton (I didn't know he had died), Nina Foch, Pat Hingle, Harold Pinter, Charles H Joffe, Kon Ichikawa, Charles Schneer, Abby Mann, Roy Scheider, David Watkin, Robert Mulligan, Evelyn Keyes, Richard Widmark, Claude Berri, Maila Nurmi, Isaac Hayes, Leonard Roseman, Ricardo Montaban, Manny Farber, Robert Doqui, Jules Dassin, Paul Scofield, John Michael Hayes, Warren Cowan, Joseph Caracciolo, Stan Winston, Ned Tanen James Whitmore, Charlton Heston, Anthony Minghella, Sydney Pollack, Paul Newman....



I can't believe they left Heath Ledger out of that montage! What the hell?



Commercial Break Commentary: I got nothing.



Oscars:

Reece Witherspoon presenting Best Director. I'm pretty sure this is going to be another Slumdog Millionaire win, because it was SO awesome. I was right. Haha on the receiving it in the spirit of Tigger. Great speech.



Now here's the good stuff... coming up Best Actor, Best Actress and Best Film.



Commercial Break Commentary: I am in the mood to songwrite, but I don't have the energy to do it right now. I'd rather go to bed after the Oscars. I have some lyrics in my head, I'll end up putting them on paper to develop the idea further when I poke around on the guitar again. My jaw hurts, not sure why.



Oscars:

I really am enjoying the way they put all these past winners up for the presenting. Very cool.



Best Actress goes to Kate Winslet for The Reader. She was amazing in the movie. I really enjoyed it. She had a great speech as well. I loved that she asked her dad to whistle! Awesome!



Best Actor goes to Sean Penn for MILK. I didn't see the movie, but part of me wished for Mickey Rourke that he would have won. Nevertheless, I am sure that Sean did a wonderful job in the film, as he's a great actor. I'm interested in seeing the movie. It's on my list! Sean's speech was wonderful.



Steven Spielberg presents Best Film. And the Best Film goes to Slumdog Millionaire. That was expected, and cool.



Hope you enjoyed my Oscar related blog. I look forward to heading to bed now. Madelyn is up, and I just put vicks on her chest, she's still got a remnant cough from that cold...but she woke up with a nightmare... so I'm happy that I'm able to have her curled up with me.

Bedtime for mama.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Bro Code - Lesson # 658

As quoted by Joey, to Frankie- after an altercation where Frankie grabbed Joey's shirt when he was pissed at him.

"Don't you ever BREAK MY SHIRT! You can punch me, you can push me, you can hit me, but don't you EVER break my shirt!"

There ya have it folks, Bro Code lesson #658.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Valentine's Weekend, Etc.

I know I still have to finish up my birthday blog. It's a long one, and I'll get to it.

Just wanted to blog about this past weekend. It was fun, with the exception of getting sick- what the kids had all week. Ugh.

I could kill for a good cup of coffee right now.

Of course, I am once again single for Valentine's day, not that I really mind too much. Sure, having someone to share that whole romantic day with is great. What's tough is being alone through all the sappy romantic movies they play, and being tired/worn out enough to only feel like sitting there and watching TV.

Sore throat, coughing, fever.... gotta love it.

The kids had a good time this weekend because they had run of the house for the most part.

I ran into Jim at Spurs when I popped out for a bit, he turned around and ran in the other direction, then I saw his friend/"sister" and she asked me if I was with anyone, I said, no. I am back to doing things on my own again. I think he asked her to find out if I left him for someone new. Nope, I didn't. Just didn't feel the same way as he did.

Jon called me on Valentine's day, twice. Once I talked to him, and he wished me a Happy Valentine's day, we talked for a little while, then I guess he called again, long after I was asleep, announcing that it was his birthday on my voicemail (His birthday is the 15th). He called again on his birthday during the day to chat. Odd for me, to suddenly have him calling again. I was a little on the optimistic side when he mentioned that him and Melissa broke up- I said, oh, don't worry, I'm sure you guys will patch things up for another go of it soon enough. I don't think he was expecting that response. Burn me, I won't get burned again.

Had a fun night last night, was able to escape for a happy hour drink with Keith, though I stumbled in on "Man-date" night. Well, I was invited to join, not realizing it was "man-date" night. Still fun, played Chug21 at the little bar and won high score on the machine, much to Keith's chagrin. Got to hang out with Stu and Nick too. They're always a lot of fun.

Got a phone call from Mark yesterday, saying that TT was all mad about the MySpace message I left for him, telling him basically that if he knew anything about my camera, he really needed to let me know... how does one get angry about a post like that unless they're feeling guilty?
I should probably just refer him to the police report and let him know that if he has any questions or answers regarding the camera and shoes episode, he can talk to the detective.
I am really pissed but I have a feeling I'll get my stuff returned, at some point. Let's face it, married guy goes out with a harem of women, runs into an ex-friend/girlfriend for a second, and then someone takes a picture of them together... yeah, well, might not bode well for said married man who doesn't take the vows seriously. Thankfully, I want nothing to do with him in that department, didn't even want my picture taken with him, but obliged once the camera was shoved in my direction. Even was told I had to get closer. Sigh... then the camera disappears ten minutes after the picture was taken. Yeah, something doesn't add up. Oh, and the shoes too. Make sure that she knows it's a personal attack, take her shoes.

I know my stuff will be returned. I know it.

Ok, kids are driving me up a wall here, the girls are late for school because Kate flipped about her pants... and I put new ones in the dryer. Now she can't find the ones that are clean in the dryer and I am about ready to scream. She also can't "find" one of the several hairbrushes I just re-stocked in this house. Of course, she's complaining about not being able to find it while laying in the hallway, so that should explain her level of searching for both said items. Gotta go be tough mom for a bit.

Catch ya later, gonna have a good week. :)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Happy Birthday To Me....

My birthday was a few days ago, but I was not here, I was in Nashville, celebrating my birthday weekend with my friends. I can't believe I'm officially 31. That sounds old. I'm not old! Ha!

I had a ton of pictures, taken with a camera that was my birthday gift to myself. It was lost/stolen the last night of my trip. I'm still hoping it's on its way back to me... I really miss the thought of all my pictures gone.

Anyway, on Thursday, I had the car packed up and left town mid-morning right after dropping the kids off at the bus stop and having breakfast at the truck stop with Keith. It's a 12 hour drive from here, so I planned on just making it into Nashville around 9pm CST.

The drive went pretty smoothly, with the exception of me having to pee like constantly - which pissed me off because I normally have a bladder of steel. When I finally rolled into town, I parked right at Losers and went in to celebrate Erv and Steve's birthday. It was their birthday party that night, so I knew that some old friends would be there for sure. I was right! I even got to meet some new friends, including a wonderful man named Randy. The pictures from Thursday were funny and goofy.

On Friday, I woke up early and Mark and I drove through Jack In The Box so I could have a quick breakfast before meeting Cari and heading to the hair salon. Renee was doing my hair for me as a birthday thing, so I was headed to Music Row so that I could get all beautified. Renee did an awesome job. I only have a picture of me in the chair that I took with my cell phone...

Then when I was finished, I had to rush over to Las Palmas, for my birthday lunch celebration. I was running a few minutes behind, as Renee was straightening my hair and making sure it was perfect. But it ended up working out just fine, and I quickly had the biggest birthday "party" I've had since I was probably like seven. I think there were 10 of us at the table. I took pictures to show my family for proof. Damn, I am pissed those are missing! Hahaha! It's a running joke about me and parties.

At the lunch, I was able to meet Brent in person and hand deliver the sweethearts gala painting. We took pictures of us smiling and it glistening in the sun. Again, gone.

So then, Cari and I decided it was time to do a little shopping around town. She needed some things, and I was more than happy to check out shoes at Off Broadway. I ran into my friend Earl Clark upstairs in the offices, when I went to go find Mark (he didn't want to go shoe shopping). I ended up picking up three pairs of shoes (all clearance!)- a pair of hellacious red stilettos, a pair of cute mary jane type shoes and some comfy bearclaw boots (lined).

We took Mark back to his apartment, and Cari and I went to her place to change for the evening. We had been invited to meet up with Brent for happy hour, and this way I could sign the back of the painting (which I hadn't done before) and put all my information on it. We met Brent and his friends at Tin Roof, had a birthday drink, and then we parted ways. She was headed home (her car was in the lot there since the morning) and I was planning on heading downtown.

It was still early, so I stopped into Losers to see if I could see any of my writer friends that liked to hold their afternoon meetings on the patio. When I walked in, Erv, GR, Steve and Randy were all there, and I was quickly invited to join them. A few more birthday drinks and I started thinking about how dinner would be a good option. I guess Randy felt the same way, because he asked me if I was hungry and told me that he'd love to take me to dinner. What girl turns down a nice dinner with a great guy? Not this one!

The weather was beautiful, so we walked the three blocks to this new restaurant, called Giovanni's (supposedly a Nashville version of the New York establishment). It used to be a bar/club called Layla Rul so it was kind of neat to see the transformation of the space. Dinner was fantastic, and Randy was such a gentleman. We had an amazing appetizer that was their "mixed fried seafood and zucchini with marinara sauce", and we popped open a bottle of cabernet. For dinner, I had the "marinated rosemary chicken breast served with polenta and asparagus". It was divine. I can't say enough about it. It was simply to die for. My taste buds were in heaven. For dessert, Randy arranged a bit of a surprise. I picked their chocolate dessert (can't remember what it was called) and it came out on a plate, that had "Happy Birthday" written in chocolate. We smiled for pictures (missing!), and dug into the most decadent chocolate dessert I have had in a long time. I thanked Randy for such a wonderful dinner and such a great night of getting to know one another.

Conversation and the red wine ended up being enough of an evening for me, so I decided to not go downtown after all, and just call it a night around midnight.

The next morning, I woke up early and headed out of town to go see Todd out in Nolensville. He'd moved out to the country in an effort to get away, and I had promised him I would come see him. So, I drove the half hour to his place and we caught up. I played and sang my new songs for him, and he LOVED the "God Help Me" one. Told me we need to get that demo'd and pitched. We spent the majority of the day together- him, me and his son Wyler. We went back into town, had tacos at a roadside stand, to Friedmans (hunting store) where they got boy things, ICON Midtown, then we had a late lunch at Kalamatas before I took them home. I had been craving that gyro for over a year. MMM. It didn't disappoint!

When I dropped them off, I had talked to Laura about trying to get together and plan our night for later. I also talked with Cari and told her I would meet her down at the Eric Heatherly show at The Listening Room Cafe around 8:30. I popped my head into Losers and ran into Randy Houser who had just rode in on his bike, hadn't seen him in a while but he was exhausted from being out of town. He stuck around for a soda and then headed back on the bike. I laughed with Tony and Phil for a while then decided I should change into whatever I was going to wear for the night and head out.

(I'll finish the rest later- got some stuff to do....)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

NEW Pieces of Art.... by me! :)



This is the painting that I did for the Sweethearts Gala.

It's 24" x 24" Acrylics and Mixed Media on gallery framed wood

"I Believe In A Thing Called Love"

1 of 4 in the What Is Love? Series

You can get this painting by bidding on it at the Sweethearts Gala, link in my previous post.



This one is the second of the series.

It's 24" x 24" Acrylics and Mixed Media on gallery framed wood

"Crazy Love"

2 of 4 in the What Is Love? Series

This painting is available currently, for $450, which includes shipping within the continental US.


If you'd like to see more of my artwork currently for sale, you can view my Facebook Album. I also accept commissioned work.

Thanks!

-Audrey

Sunday, February 1, 2009

New Year, New Take...Busy January

So, I haven't posted a blog in a while, and part of that has been that I didn't know what I wanted to share with the world vs. what I wanted to keep to myself.

I've always been a really open book with where I am in my life, and I don't regret that, but at the same time, I know that putting information out there that's intensely personal can come back to bite one in the ass. I also know from my Google Analytics, that there are some people reading my blog almost religiously checking for new content... and I haven't provided it.

Well, a blog is basically a journal, or diary... and like songwriting, when you actually know it's being read/heard, and you are seeing your diary pages open for everyone... sometimes you just take a step back and rethink how much of your life you want to share. Once the words are out, they're out.

I've had an interesting January, and I realize I didn't post at all during that month, but it was a good thing for me to lay low for the first month of the year and re-prioritize my life. I have begun singing again out on a regular basis, Tuesday nights... and I've spent a lot of time with my guitar, learning more chords, songwriting a lot. I've been spending time with friends up here and the kids... and just hunkering down and hibernating during the cold, cold month.

I did some home improvements- basically painting for now... I'm on hold until I see our handyman around- because I have to wait for him to finish what he's doing before I can paint and decorate further.

I've been painting as well, and will be unveiling a new series of art, titled "What is Love". It's a series of four paintings, one of which is going to be donated as a silent auction piece for the Sweethearts Gala in Nashville, TN.

It's a great event that my friend Brent Young helps organize, and it's all for Nashville State Community College and providing scholarships. Can't beat supporting education! If you're in Nashville, please try to attend!

Also, one of my favorite country artists and his beautiful wife are the "Celebrity Sweethearts" - James and Amy Otto. They are really beautiful people, inside and out! Join them at the Hilton Hotel, Nashville on February 13, 2009. More information in the links above.

So that's what I've been up to in this past month. My birthday is coming up, next week and I am really excited to celebrate my 10th anniversary of my 21st birthday. So, that's my January in a pretty short post.

More creativity, more singing, more writing, more painting, more down time well spent with the kids... and some very special friends. Oh, and I'm working on re-opening my soaping business too... by spring. What can I say, 2009 is going to be a great year!