The love of my life.

The man who showed me the capacity to love again, loves me. He called me tonight to FINALLY let me know that he's so torn up about me and wants to have us together, forever...

This from the man who has always said he's loved me, but has always found some reason to fight it off, or explain why we can't be together.

He shocked me tonight, and let me know that he can't get me out of his head. That he wants to create a life with me, that he needs me, and loves me. I have waited two years to hear this, but I never expected to hear it. I had pretty much written off the possibility of him ever overcoming his love fear... and just accepted that we would remain friends.

Part of me is absolutely shocked, but the other part of me knows it's just the plain old truth. It's been plainly obvious, and we've admitted to loving one another, we've tried to make it work out in our heads, when it already worked out in our hearts... and we ended up resolving to just stay friends while we sorted out our crazy lives.

He asked me to come spend time with him and his children while they are visiting. He wants my children there too. He wants us to be a family.

I told him that I still loved him and would always love him. I also told him to sleep on it and see if that's what he really wanted. He told me he's slept on it for long enough...that he needs me and loves me and wants me to be his partner.

Oh. God. Help me.

The man that I've loved, loves me and finally wants to do something about it. Oh, my God.

I have to sleep on this, if I can sleep.... I just got blindsided by something I knew was real but had resolved that would never come to pass. Guess that's what's funny about love and tryin' to decide...

I told him I'm going to just take the night to think about it and then we'll see what we can do to work it out... and he ended the conversation with, ok... that's fine. Just come home.

Oh, I'm gonna have to really think about this one... He's my best friend. He's always been someone I have fun spending time with and someone I have dreamed (its been a mutual dream) of building a life and our family together.