Whatcha got to lose?

"If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer's always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place."

I'm in an emotional war with myself. Trusting or believing in something that has emotional value for me tends to be difficult for me. I'm not sure if it's the fact that I've hurt before, or if it's because despite my stature, I have issues with confrontation. I'm a peacemaker. A lover, not a fighter...

There's nothing to fight about and no one really to fight with, but I feel sometimes like maybe the reasons I haven't found what I'm looking for in life are because sometimes I don't take that next step to truly go after something. When it comes to business decisions, I have no problem applying the above quote. When it comes to emotional decisions, I freeze.

I've had a few thoughts lately about changing the way I react to some situations. Instead of being sweet and polite, I'm going to just let a comment rip without thinking about it. Instead of bottling up my emotions, I'm going to find the strength to face them and be open about them. I can't drive myself crazy sitting here in neutral. It's time that I throw my emotional self into gear, drop the pedal to the floor and let those wild horses run free. It's only then that my scenery is going to change.

It's interesting how some people come into your life and make such an impact without them even knowing how deeply they've touched your soul. I am grateful for that. I am. I try to show people close to me that they make a difference in my life. I hope I convey that well enough.

My ex-husband once accused me of being an "emotional ice queen". It's really not true. I've got this river of emotional lava running through me fast and hot. Little known facts: I cry at sappy movies, I love with all I've got, I keep my passions about life and love close to my heart. I don't like to cry in front of people.

I'm not an ice queen, I'm just very adept at putting up walls around me when I feel like I'm going to be hurt. I'm great at putting walls up just because I think I have the potential to be hurt. I'm going to change that this year.

I'm not complaining. Not at all. I feel so "emo" for writing the above. Next on the agenda, I'll be wearing skinny jeans and buying black nail polish and lipgloss at Halloween Express. Ha. Like they even HAVE skinny jeans for curvy girls. What a hoot.