After the movie last night, I ended up in a conversation about my marriage/divorce and I realized that I definitely have more to work through with some of the pain that's still lingering there. On a day to day basis, I'm fine. I feel like I've moved past a lot of it. In fact, I've been a sounding board to friends about their emotions... and I realized tonight that maybe I'm still not back to normal. Maybe I'm not over all the emotions I've so carefully jarred and shelved.
What is normal anyway?
Some days it's just tough to be me. The juggling of responsibilities weighs heavily on my mind. For instance, it's a Saturday, and I should be sleeping... but instead I'm awake and contemplating life at 6:30am.
Another friend of mine seems to be avoiding me more than usual. It's almost as if every opportunity to avoid one on one conversation with me is being put in place. I think part of it is because we have things to talk about, and I don't think it's a subject that we're ready to broach entirely as of yet, while we're still testing the waters. Still, it's somewhat painful at times. We both had hurt feelings. Sigh. What can ya do.
The combination of all of this has me awake and unable to fall back asleep. Then I started thinking about the laundry to do, so I started a load... and I'm hoping if I stare at this keyboard for a little bit, I'll tire my eyes out enough to sleep for maybe another hour or so- before the kids get up.
I think I'll try now...
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