Maybe a little too honest?

A lot of my friends know that I enjoy writing poetry and song lyrics. Truthfully, I haven't done nearly as much as I used to of either lately. I haven't been "in the mood" to write things down. I've always got words swirling around in my head, or lines to a chorus or poem that I think up, but haven't felt much for writing it down lately.

I ran into someone I had known a few years ago, and he asked me if I was "doing much writing". When I responded "no, not really", he looked shocked and said, "Well, why the hell not?"

I think I said something along the lines of "I just haven't really made the time lately, and I've been busy with the kids", which is a complete cop-out.

His reply was, "Well, you're good and you should keep it up, make a little time to do more of it." After exchanging a few more kind words and changing the subject, I couldn't help but think about the actual conversation over and over again. Then, I started to think about my reasoning for not writing all that much lately.

The real, honest answer, after hours of thoughtful soul searching?

I just don't want to be hurt again. I write from my soul and most often, it's unabashedly personal to whatever is in the corner of my mind at the time. Last year, I really had some major losses, hurts, and one knock out blow to my sensitivity. I took some time away from being that "open" about my thoughts. I took time away from being "me" publicly, and stuck with comments about the news and weather.

The real, honest answer is that I didn't write because I didn't want to expose my already bleeding soul. I needed time to heal myself before I could ready and steady myself for being open to others again.

Am I better? No.

Am I better now than I was then? Yes.

I've learned what parts of me I'm not willing to share at this time. Truthfully, I should take the time and write things in private for only my consumption, but even that- the method of taking a pen to paper and making my thought process a reality in ink... for me, is still too personal and finite.

So that's why there hasn't been a whole lot from me, creatively, in these past few months. Maybe it's a little too honest to post? Maybe it's just the amount of honest I need to be sharing.

Time heals all wounds, right? Well for me, so do words. It may be time to get back on the creative writing horsey.