One of my most embarrassing and odd secrets.

I have had, for no apparent reason, and for many years... a private, one-sided love affair with Heath Ledger.

I remember when I first laid eyes on the man, it was years ago in "10 Things I Hate About You", a campy, teen love movie. And I loved him in it. I was suddenly smitten with a man I had never met.

I've since watched Heath Ledger's movie career progress, and with each year and movie made fell more infatuated with the man. My favorite, so far, was "The Patriot". It helps that I also like that time period.

Anyway, now that "Batman: The Dark Knight" is out, I want to go see it, but... I wonder how much it's going to make me softly suffer in silence to see him on the screen and know once again that he is no longer with us.

I remember the day I found out he was dead, back in January. I was sitting at a restaurant bar, with a friend, and the TV was on one of the news channels. I could read the bottom headline that he was found dead in his apartment, and I actually teared up. I could not believe the silliness, but I definitely started to tear up- because I would never get the chance to meet him.

So, that's one of my most embarrassing stories/secrets. Even now, I look at a picture of him, and I still get a little sad for the loss of the "what if"...