Anyway, I have moments in my life where I seriously start to view things as if I am an actor, rather than a live being... and I guess that's probably why I'm fucked up.
My imagination runs wild, and I can imagine that I'm literally reading a script of my life, or that secretly, someone has a camera hidden. Unfortunately, my life is probably more boring at the moment than anyone would care to see... but I sometimes run narration in my head. I definitely have an overactive imagination.
Maybe it's because I'm not performing much anymore. I think that's a pretty good assessment of why I might do that.
Performers always look for new opportunities to perform. Actors act, Singers, sing... me, I do everything.
There's a strange familiarity in "turning it on" that makes me feel more comfortable. Yes, I'm myself, but I like to imagine myself with paparazzi or a film crew. I channel different characters at times- none of mine have names and I'm not schizo, I have total control over the moods I channel...
To deal with life, I put forth my "Strong, Determined, Unstoppable" Woman mood. It helps me when all the chips are down to remain positive.
When dealing with men, I use one of three:
"Sexy, Seductive, Baaaaad girl" - This one is a hit behind closed doors, but for this mood, I channel my inner Marilyn Monroe or Mae West... maybe a little Jenna Jameson.
"Poor, Helpless, Dumb Blonde" - This one, I pull out the stops for when I don't feel like being Ms. Handywoman and want a guy to help me with whatever it may be. I channel my inner Anna Nicole Smith or Jessica Simpson- depending on the situation.
"One of the boys" - this is really me, but I jack it up a notch when I'm around a group of men.
I guess we all have our quirks, but I just like to imagine an audience... :)
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