Channeling my inner Betty Crocker. Ha!

Ok, so... A co-worker and somewhat new friend of mine is turning 30 (actually, she's 30 as of now- being that it's after midnight).

In a quest to really try to live the Golden Rule, I decided to make Donna birthday cupcakes to bring into the office. Ok, maybe it's my quest to be nice, eternally... not sure.

Anyhow, I sent out an email saying that I was going to make cupcakes, but I wanted to do something special as a surprise for Donna to celebrate her 30th. Being that I just had my 30th birthday earlier this year, the reason behind my wanting to do something special for her stems more from my appreciation of welcoming another friend into her 30s... knowing it's a big milestone birthday.

Anyway, I came home after work tonight, fed the kids, and after everyone was tucked in, I pulled out my baking supplies. A quick glance in the cabinets let me know that I had no more cupcake liners. I quickly realized making cupcakes was going to be out of the question.

Since I had lots of frosting, I figured a two tier cake would work well too. I'm really not a cake person. All my cakes tend to be bought. I love to bake, but it's more muffins, pies, cakes that don't need frosting and other kinds of desserts.

I decided to channel my inner Betty Crocker. I had amazing hopes for this cake. I had everything I needed, including a frosting bag, pieces for the tips, and food coloring. The entire time, I'm thinking... I've seen the people in the bakeries in grocery stores... it cannot be THAT hard to frost and decorate a cake! I had visions of artistic greatness.

I preheated the oven. I grab my two 8" baking pans out of the cabinet, and mix the cake batter in my big metal bowl. I then pour the batter into the pans and slide the pans in the oven. This was a little after 10pm. I was on the phone with Jon while I was doing this. He's been calling again and we were catching up on our lives and plans for the rest of the summer. I set the timer and sit on the couch, then the porch to finish our conversation.

Side note here: I thought he was literally the love of my life for a very long time. I'm not sold on that anymore, but I know we have a special connection... it's really up to him to decide if he's willing to acknowledge or permit anything more- and then up to me to figure out if I still want to devote myself to that cause again.

Back to the cake baking! The timer goes off, as Madelyn wanders down the stairs, crying. It's nearly 11pm. I pull the cakes out of the oven and allow them to cool. Then I go downstairs to find the glass cake stand that has not been used for ages. I wash that, send Madelyn to the couch to lay down, and as I'm drying that, Madelyn decides to head back upstairs.

I put the first layer of cake on the stand, and it's clear that it's obviously still warm. Sigh... it's going to need to cool more.

At this point, I decide that I should take in an episode of Sex And The City on TBS and leave the cake decorating for when it cools down.

So, I walk back into the kitchen, dreaming of this amazing cake that I'm going to design... and I should have known better. Really.

I have three containers of vanilla frosting- by THREE different companies. Betty Crocker, Pillsbury and Bakers Choice. Of course, the first two I open are slightly different shades of white. This results in me trying my best to blend the two frostings, once it's already on the cake.

Fantastic.

Surprisingly, it didn't look horrible.

I mix the first batch of colored frosting. Pink. I choose my tip to hopefully make a pretty decorative edging around the cake. HA! I get halfway around, and suddenly realize... with nearly NO red food coloring left, that I'm almost out of frosting already. SHIT! I scrape the container I was mixing it in, and somehow pull off a skinnier version of the edging than I originally wanted.

Oh well, can't fix it now!

Then comes the rinsing of the frosting bag, to make it ready for the next color. While I'm rinsing this incredibly sticky frosting bag, my speed in doing so fills the water on one side and I let go of the other, sending a bunch of water towards my body... now my pj top is soaked at the belly level. I spew some sort of profanity, and then finish up.

I mix the green next, and try my attempt at leaves. I know I can fill in flowers later. I realize I may have gotten overzealous with the amount of green I mixed, and then even more so, with the amount of flowers I put on the cake... but I still have a HUGE bag of green left. Ok, I'll do the Happy Birthday in green.

I change out the tops for the frosting, but quickly realize that writing on a cake is NOT as easy as it seems. I give silent credit to the bakery workers. Notice how "Happy" is completely lopsided... I almost dropped the big bag of frosting on the cake. I finish up the writing... and again rinse the bag, this time keeping all the water in the sink.

Time for purple. I mix the purple, and have to pry off the top of the red food coloring bottle, so I can try and get the last few drops. Of course, the squeeze cap finally comes off and FLYS onto the side of the cake! Red food coloring is on my hand and now the cap tip is on the cake! Thankfully, I had a clean spatula and I just scooped it out. WHEW. Crisis averted.

The flowers were easy, BLOP, tada, flower-like blob of frosting.

When I finished, I looked at the cake and laughed out loud. It truly looks like a ten year old decorated it. I actually think a ten year old might be able to do better.

Immediately, I thought, I have to take a picture and blog about the silly process... and I looked at the clock to notice that it's 1am. I know I can take consolation in the fact that Donna will probably still love it, even with it looking like a 10 year old decorated the cake.

So tonight, at 1:30am, I sign off... to be ready for work in the morning, the cake is in the fridge, hopefully to set any soft frosting... and it will be interesting to say the least, how I'm going to transport said cake to the office. Oh, God... I swear, next time- store bought cupcakes.

-A