My boy is Ten and My life needs to change.

Wow. Time flies.

I can't believe my kiddo is ten years old. We're going to have a "Date" this weekend, just him and me. Because it was Labor Day weekend, we had a kind of crazy weekend.

We had fun though. Today we went to Toys R Us, he got to pick out something he wanted.
He decided on the Aerosmith Guitar Hero for the Wii. It came with a guitar and the game. It was expensive, but he was excited, so that made it worth it.

This blog is really for me, I focus less on my kids on here, so even though a part of me wants to share more about him, I would prefer to keep his life off the internet.

But my kids are a huge part of who I am. I am who I am because of them. He was the start of all of that. I'm so proud of the little boy he's become. He's entering into those pre-teen years and part of me is so scared that he'll make some of the same choices I did. I still feel the pain from those choices as an adult.

I don't regret one second of my life, because it made me who I am, yet I want more for him- and the rest of the kids. I guess that is what parenting is all about. Letting your children step on your back to reach just a little higher in their own lives.

I didn't have much of a young adult life. By young adult, I mean more along the lines of 18ish on, but I guess the thought about how fast these first ten years passed has me already thinking of what to tell him on his 18th birthday.

Before he went to bed tonight, he told me that he had such a great day. That makes me so happy that he was so happy. After Toys R Us, we went to the mall, then we went to the Labor Day party at JD's family's farm. The kids had fun with the other kids that were there, and got to run around for a while, we had bbq and played a cool game, courtesy of D, called Imaginiff. It was a lot of fun.

We initially were going to head to M's house afterwards to play more board games, but the rest of them decided last minute to head to the bar, so I went home.

On the way home, I got a message from Jon, who had been in NYC on a flight layover on the way back from Indiana. I left him a return message and then got the kids in bed, and threw in a load of laundry. After that, I went over to Meena's with the rest of the Jello shots, where we started watching "What Happens In Vegas". After that, I decided to head home across the street and watched Paranormal State. When the second one came on, it was about Point Pleasant... and the mothman, so I had to see if Jon was back on the ground.

It proved a good opportunity for a chat, as he had just gotten in his car. Life for me is funny like that. We talked about C's birthday (it was yesterday) and how all he wanted for his birthday was for his Dad to come home again next week. Jon said that the first thing he did was get on the phone and purchase another ticket for next week. C turned 7 yesterday. He's Jon's youngest.

We talked also about the kids and the fun things he did with them this weekend. I told him about my weekend and F's birthday. We also talked about some of the things I was thinking about with the kids. With F's birthday, I have had those issues about feeling that I wanted more for him. So I shared some of that. And then I shared more about what I was wanting in life. I wanted a garden, I wanted herbs and to be able to paint... and to be able to have a home that I could really put my roots down, to give the kids the best next ten years I can.

Jon had been looking for Green tomatoes, to fry. Even after almost a year, we still have a bunch in common, and I told him he really needed to open his bar. The one he had dreamed about opening. Our dreams and future hopes are still on similar paths.

I love the man. I really do. I told him I was going to take my lunch hour to find out what I needed to do to file for divorce once and for all. Now that Frank was gone and it had been over two years, I really needed to get the ball rolling. I was here, there was no excuse. So tomorrow, I'm making the phone calls to get things in order. I promised. I gotta find out what kind of legal aid I can apply for, but it's definitely time to get things handled. Once and for all.

It's only then, that I can move on with my life. And with all my heart, I want him to be a part of that life. I want OUR life together.

So, my battery is dying, and I should probably log off and go to bed. It's that time. It was an emotional but lovely conversation. He is in bed... I should put my clothes in the dryer and do the same.