Assorted Life.

Feelin Terrible.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but my stomach is KILLING me. It has all weekend, and actually, started earlier this week. I blamed it on PMS earlier this week... but it hasn't stopped. When I eat, I feel like I have indigestion, not heartburn, but just that acidic feeling in my stomach. When I don't eat, I feel the same. It's like a constant level of burning, but at the same time, there's no real way to make it feel better. And the level depends on varying stages of the day, etc.

I have an appointment set up with a dr. for Thursday, so I figure I'll address it again there.

Is it possible to not want to do anything?

This heat it ridiculous. To add insult to injury, I'm currently laying in my bed with a fan blowing on me, just feeling miserable and on top of everything else, I'm dripping in sweat. I have not exerted more energy than the movement of my fingertips in quite some time. Still feeling the effects of the humidity and the heat. Ugh. I wish it would rain.

Cool Stuff

Today F had a football game, they lost, and I had what is probably my first of several experiences where he was injured in the game, and I was all the way in the stands, kept back by a fence, but had to stand and wait by the fence till I knew the coach had given me a green light and said "He's Ok".

For a parent to watch their child get tackled by another kid, then see your child writhing in pain on the field... ugh, that probably didn't help my stomach situation. Thankfully he is fine, it was just a case of the other kid's cleat getting him in the ankle, and after a quick ice down, he was telling his coaches he wanted to get back in the game- and even had to run about twenty yards at a sprint to prove he was okay.

Still a little nerve-wracking for old mom.

My kids

I guess it was this weekend that I really started noticing how BIG my kids are getting. Little things they have done really made me smile. K locking the front door's chain by taking two pillows off the couch and standing on them... so she could get the extra 4 inches required for her to complete the task.

M doing her homework so efficiently.

J talking about what he wants to do when he grows up- which, by the way is be an "artist" and when I asked him what kind of art he'd like to create, he told me he was going to be a "sculptor". I said COOL.

F just amazes me, I think mainly because he's not really a little kid anymore. He's this big kid who is well on his way to his teenage years (yeah, I know he just turned ten). I caught him the past few games when on the sidelines, checking out the cheerleaders, for more time than is probably appropriate for a ten year old. I'm going to have trouble on my hands with him... the force is strong in that one.

He's such a little Cassanova already.

Me.

Well, me. Hm. I met someone cool... but don't know where any of it's heading. Added stress factor, I got a text from Jon last night, after my last text to him last week that said "I love you, but I know I shouldn't anymore. At one point you loved me too, not sure what happened."

I wrote it off, moved forward (well, tried)... and wasn't planning on calling or texting or anything again. Last night, I got a text saying... "What's up?" and that was followed by a phone call of "I miss you" and other kind words.

I kind of feel like we need to have a one on one in person, to hash it out. I need to know if there is ever going to be a future of us together, or if I should erase that picture that's burned into my cellular memory from existing. Like Randy Pausch said in THE LAST LECTURE, when he met his wife Jai, she had reservations. The whole situation reminded me of Jon's and mine... just reversed. But he phrased it well, and this is paraphrased, but it goes something like this... (he said to her when she had issues about moving forward with their relationship) "All I know is that I am happy when I am with you, I am happy being with you and I am happy thinking of the rest of my life with you. But if you are not willing to move forward, I will be happy for you if you find what you're looking for, and find happiness in other things myself."

He married her, so I guess it worked.

What's worse is how I know that I am completely head over heels still about Jon. I met this great guy, was having a great conversation with him, etc. He was really interesting, and kind... and when I got the text, I actually explained myself so clearly to this man, that he said... I understand and respect your honesty. And it makes me like you more.

I don't know what life has in store for me, but I'm about to get over this waiting around thing, get some direct answers and move in the direction I feel is best for me and the kids. That has the potential to be heart breaking.

My Life in Song.

Of course, I find a song that resonates with me and my mood. This one is particularly good.

Sugarland...

Sometimes it's a pair of

Old faded denim, I know

Is gonna fit me like an old friend

Or some radio song

You can't help but sing along

Wishing they'd spin it over and over again

Could be the windows down on a Sunday drive

Smell of rain on a summer night

Anything that brings a little more comfort my way

But sometimes

There's those times

It's gotta be you

CHORUS:

I keep telling myself I'm movin' on

But I'm stumblin'

Believing my heart was strong enough

But now I'm wonderin'

But every step I take that leads me away

Just circles back to your door

Wishing I didn't love you anymore

I've tried turning to

The arms of someone new

But I can't seem to fool this fool

I've seen closing times

With every bottle dry

And I've seen days alone in my own room

I've asked God and magazines

of books and movie screens

Anything to bring a little more comfort my way

But sometimes

There's those times

It's gotta be you

REPEAT CHORUS

Of you, give me more

I've done everything

I can to forget

If there is a way I ain't found it yet

I keep telling myself I'm movin' on

Believing my heart was strong

But every step I take that leads me away

Just circles back to your door

Wishing I didn't love you

What I'd give if I could touch you

Wishing I didn't love you anymore

Have a good day!