ThursdayI didn't plan on doing anything for the weekend. Laundry, house chores, that was it. That was my plan. Thursday night, I got a text from my friend S. He was in
Atlantic City and doing really well at the poker tables.
He got comped a suite and volunteered to pay for some of my expenses if I wanted to come down. After all, he said, he was celebrating his quitting his job. I let him know that I had gotten laid off, and he said - even better... let's celebrate us both being jobless for a day.
I laughed, and then he said he was serious. I began to seriously contemplate it. All I would have to do would be have someone get them from the daycare on Friday... A quick call to my neighbor J and all was taken care of.
E was able to babysit.
I left the house Thursday night at 9:30pm. I was in Atlantic City at 12:30am. I collapsed into my bed in the suite. Pictures are of the suite and view taken Friday morning.
FRIDAYWoke up to the remnants of one of the hurricanes coming through. Waves were high, it was raining- it was a perfect day to spend indoors at the casino!
After a kick ass buffet breakfast, Sam went to check out a poker tournament to see if he was going to join, and once he was in that, he showed me the Spa.
He got my admission comped and a massage as well. While he played poker, I got a massage, went in the sauna, steam room, shower and just lounged.
Yeah, I could get used to that kind of treatment on a daily basis! It was fantastic. The massage therapist gave me this stuff called
Ping On, for my aches and even to help clear my sinuses. It's from China, he imports it- it's a salve, kind of like vicks, but a little stronger. It's really great stuff.
I then went to the
Hard Rock Cafe for a late light lunch, I got this awesome Bruchetta (my favorite!) and ate 4 of the 5 pieces, then wrapped up one of them for Sam. I checked in on the tournament and dropped off his snack. He was doing pretty well. I went back to the spa, emptied out my locker, went up to the room and laid down for a little bit, then I went back downstairs to the casino.
I hit up the craps table a little bit. $40 and I lost my ass. I normally do well at craps. But I did play for a while. I even hit the hard 8 for $90. I should have walked, but I didn't. I had fun though, and when I was done, I wandered back to the poker tournament area and found Sam had just finished. He said it was a dumb move on his part, but eh, he had fun.
So we went to the blackjack tables. We played with his money the rest of the night, grabbing a quick bite to eat finally somewhere around 9pm, and then playing in the casino - craps, 3 card Poker, Spanish 21 and we had an awesome run at the blackjack table as well. I had enough and was ready to go to bed by 4:30am.
I woke up in the morning and we had a nice sit down breakfast at the hotel, then played a few rounds of craps before saying goodbye and leaving. It was so much fun and exactly what I needed at that point. Atlantic City was good times with a good friend.
I also learned a lot about the games...and the odds.
SATURDAYSo I got in the car and started driving toward the Atlantic City Expressway, when I had this urge to call
Jon. Not sure why really, but he was on my mind. So I did.
He was in the car, on the way back from M's. I cringed. Then he explained that they had a good, long talk. She was finally moving on and had met someone and wanted to really make sure they were done for good. He was on the way back to Maryland with all the stuff he had left there before.
He asked how Atlantic City was, since I had told him I was going. I told him about the fun I had and how it was really cool hanging out with my friend, but that I missed him and wished we could hang out again soon. He said, well, I'll be there in about 3 hours, drive south.
I thought about it a brief moment, and then continued on, are you sure? I don't want to come down there unless you're damn well ready to hang out and you really are sure that you want me to come down there...
Yes, he assured me. It would be a fun night out.
I called the babysitter next, and checked to see if he would be available for the overnight. He was, so I drove south.
We arrived into town at just about the same time. We met up at the grocery store in town, so that he could pick up some stuff on his way home. It was a good spot and we walked through the store together as friends, just chatting about things that were going on. I asked if I should buy a rotisserie chicken and he said, um, no... you drove here, I'm taking you out to dinner. And he smirked. The damn smirk that I completely love.
I smiled back and said... Okay.
When we got back to the house (he's renting a house now), we put away the groceries, talked for a few minutes and then decided to just hit the road for dinner. Before we leave, I show him my divorce paperwork. We went to a restaurant called
"Cheeseburger in Paradise" - one of the Jimmy Buffet franchises. I wasn't all that hungry, and either was he, so we split some appetizers and caught up on family stuff. His kids, my kids.
Apparently D's going through a divorce, so his kids are getting their world shaken again. I asked him how they were handling it and he explained. I told him I was concerned about his youngest, the way he was handling it... and to just watch him.
I shifted gears into something more lighthearted, when I could see him tearing up about the kids. So we started talking about the bars we were going to hit up. He said he was going to give me a tour of some of the bars he likes in that town and we'd end up at the one closest to his house. I was ready for the challenge.
The first bar had an awesome backyard. Really, it was a smaller bar inside with a DJ spinning some country tunes and wood and knick knacks everywhere. When you go out the back door, there's a back bar, then covered porch and big yard with picnic tables and umbrellas, and even two mini hammocks as chairs.
We had two beers there, then we left so he could show me the next one.
The next bar was called
Apehangers. I thought the name was funny, so I remembered it. It was more rockin' of a place, with again a back area with big tents and tables set up. It was raining, so we went out there, but ended up back at the inside bar. The inside bar is corrugated metal and has steps leading up to it, so people can get up and dance. And there's a bar at the top too, so you can hold on and dance if you want to.
There was a dj again, odd he said, because they normally have a band. I seized my chance after my first beer to see if they had a wireless mic and a song I knew. The DJ did, so I jumped up on the bar, mic in hand and sang "Gunpowder and Lead". When I got down, Jon was laughing and smiling and a bunch of people started coming up to me with compliments- then requests. I said I might do one more if it was ok with the DJ but I wasn't really there to sing, I just wanted to get it out of my system early on.
I did end up singing one more song. I stayed off the bar for "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry. I just walked around the bar and sang along. People loved it.
There were a few guys hitting on me, and one mentioned Jon as "I don't want to piss off that big guy you're here with", and I turned around to Jon and put a hand on his back/shoulder and said, "Who, him? Oh, he's just my friend." And smiled.
Sometimes, you just have to put these guys in their place. Can't have your cake and eat it too. It was important to me to show him that I do have people interested... I think the best way to describe it is in the movie "The Breakup". Jennifer Aniston's boss says something like - "Go home, show him your blank canvas, and then show him another man eager to paint it."
After I was done singing the second time, Jon was ready to move on to our third and final location. He said he liked this place the best, because he knew the owners and they were a really cool couple. The bar itself had some pool tables, a big dance floor - oh, and it was Ladies Night- so at the door you paid $15, and drank for the rest of the night. (Beer). Guys paid $25. One beer in, and Jon tells me to drink up, he planned it so we were getting a ride home from the owners at the end of the night, so go ahead and enjoy myself.
Still a good deal. There were DJ's and they were playing mostly hip hop and some old school stuff. I danced the Electric Slide. I told Jon I would be his wingman and he could be mine. I told him to point out someone he was interested in and I would see if she was single, etc, feel her out for him. I did it once, thankfully she had a boyfriend- who was there that night. But she danced with me and we had fun. I told Jon it was his turn, and told him to pick someone he thought I might be interested in.
He bombed. He picked a tall guy, who wasn't remotely attractive. I'm giving him the NO sign from across the bar. He came back over laughing.
I did shots.
Two Washington Apples, since Jon wouldn't drink it because it had whiskey in it. So I did both.
I go back out on the dance floor, shakin' it like I'm Beyonce. I notice he's talking to a fairly pretty brunette at the bar. I'm not jealous, but I'm aware. I see she's with some other people, so I realize I'm not interrupting and I waited till I needed a refill. I stood next to him like a stranger, and then Jon turns and said, she likes Washington Apples too- including me- and then ordered the girl and me a round, along with a jagerbomb for her friend.
The girl and I do the shot, then they are talking about names and he says, My name's Jon. She says, my ex-husband's name is Jon. Countdown to worst comeback to that comment ever? 3. 2. 1. He says, "I could be your next ex-husband." And smirks. She walks off and I tell him that was the dumbest redneck comment I've ever heard at a bar. I tell him it's no wonder he has trouble meeting women at bars. I offer pointers.
Here's where the shots jump in and take effect. Here's where the night turns interesting. We were playing a game of truth (no dare) and he told me to tell him something brutally honest. I explain that hands down, the most amazing night of my life was last December when I drove in to give him his
Christmas present. I explain that no one will ever be able to top that night for me and how it was so amazing that I can still remember it so vividly, almost a year later. His eyes brighten when he realizes what I was talking about, then he scrunched his eyes and forehead, made a comment about how we can't be together because we live so far away, and stormed off to the bathroom. I sat there, and a tear ran down my cheek.
One guy I had talked to earlier in the night saw the exchange, and came over to see if I was ok. Of course, that makes it worse.
I dry my eyes and say yes, then go back out on the dance floor. Jon's back at the bar.
Last Call.
I drink one more.
I'm still having fun, but I'm avoiding him a little bit, I don't want to get into that long conversation we always have... when the owner is ready to give us a ride home, I call shotgun.
There's nothing more gratifying than pulling a seat forward for a 6'3" man to climb into the backseat as a mini revenge for the comment he made. While we are on the way home, we're talking with the owner and I know I made a few smartass comments.
We get to the house, I put on my pajamas. I want to make it clear to him that I'm not in any sort of romantic mood. While we're changing, we continue our discussion, and it starts getting heated. I'm honest. Brutally honest. More honest than I should have been. I didn't even try to find nice ways to say things. I was wasted.
He and I both had tears running down our cheeks. I told him how the littlest things remind me of him, like a stupid car with Indiana plates in front of me at the damn daycare, or finding songs that remind me of him, or INDIANA this, and INDIANA that. I tell him that while at the craps table in Atlantic City, I looked up as I'm rolling, and INDIANA is plastered across the endzone of a football field. I tell him I can't get away from him no matter how hard I try. I tell him I've tried dating, and every man eventually ends up falling short of where he is.
He tells me that he notices the small coincidences and me as well. Things that remind him of me, songs that come on the radio. Then he explains, how it's uncanny how whenever Melissa calls him or there's some sort of issue, that I have like this radar to check in with him at random. This makes us both feel better, but we're still emotional.
I tell him how I love his kids and I want him to open his bar, and I want to still make that dream we both had almost a year ago- to be a family- one whole.... a reality. This sends him into tears and out the bedroom door and into the living room on the couch. He's quietly sobbing. I feel bad because I didn't mean to make him cry.
I follow him out there, and he starts talking about him and moving with work and how can he give that to me, and it won't work... and I called him a jackass. Or a dickhead. Maybe both. I told him I wasn't asking him to give up time with his children, I wasn't asking him to change his schedule, I was just asking him to TRY our relationship and see if WE could make it work. I was on my knees in front of him and said, "I don't know why I seem to be a glutton for punishment, but God Damn it, I still love you with all my heart. I want to TRY!"
He sobs, and says, "What am I supposed to do, I still love you too!" Then he goes into his standard, but I work all the time, and I don't want to take time away from the kids and..... and I interject- "Stop being a pussy and man up- I love you, you love me, decide what you want and we'll work it out... together. Until then, I'm going to bed because I'm drunk and I'm tired."
I laid down on the bed, and a few minutes later, he comes in with some extra pillows and a can of Lysol. He's spraying them down, and hands them to me, explaining they smelled like his roommate's dog and he didn't want me to have that in my face, so he sprayed them down.
I say thank you, and lay back down.
I make sure that I turn away from him when I fall asleep, even though I desperately want to be cuddled up and in his arms.
SUNDAYI wake up to pee at ten till eight. I'm not sure what time we got home the night before, or what time we finally ended up cashing it in, but it still seems way too early. My head is throbbing with a splitting headache. I try to fall back asleep, but nothing's working.
Jon reaches over, and puts his hand on my waist, then picks it up as he rubs my back. I roll over and he says, "Good morning". I say "good morning" and proceed to bitch about how my head is killing me. He smiles, and says, "Am I still a dickhead?"
I am confused, so I said, I don't think so, no.
He smirks, puts his arm back around me and says, "So we're still friends?" and I smile and say, "of course". I don't think he remembers spilling his "I still love you too" secret, or he's hoping I will forget.
I should mention, in going back over the previous night's events, that this is something we've done before. The first time he ever told me he loved me was after we spent a night out on the town together - it was actually after the
Halloween party last year, and he told me about how on a checklist of things he would ever wish for in a woman, I was just everything- and more. And then he told me how it couldn't work out because of his job. And I got pissed, and we had a heated discussion, which ended up in him telling me
he loved me. I think I called him a name because I told him I was willing to try. Again, same conversation. I went to bed dressed like a schoolgirl because I didn't have any pajamas. Full costume. So I think it was worth mentioning, that we literally had a repeat of a night where we were dating, and did the same thing.
The thing is we're both
Aquarians. We're both feisty, we're both stubborn and we're both egotistical. Those are all good things, and we have this amazing spiritual and physical connection. There's just raw passion between the two of us, along with a mutual respect and friendship. But every now and then, we completely blow up - and it's never a meanspirited thing, but it's more a heated discussion. We get frustrated with each other, but it only ends up bringing us closer. I think that's the best way I can describe it.
He gets out of bed, and leaves the room. When he comes back, he brings me a Mountain Dew and three ibuprofen. I take them and thank him. I tell him I'm sorry if I was mean the night before. He says the same thing but says that aside from me calling him a dickhead, jackass and pussy, it was not a mean kind of conversation. I tell him I hate it when I cry when drunk.
He leans over, and says, so... if we're still friends, can we be "friends with benefits?". He smirks.
I call him a pig and playfully slap him on the head.
He pulls me into his arms. And oinks, then laughs. I laugh too.
I cave.
Damn, I missed that.
We get up, he gets in the shower, then I do. Get dressed and decide to go for breakfast buffet. We get his car on the way. I should point out that he has picked up the entire tab for my entire trip in Maryland. Over breakfast, we continue our conversation and like civilized people joke about the fun we had the night before. We avoid most references to our late night discussion.
When we finish our meals, I thank him for his invite and the good time the night before. Secretly, I feel so much better after our "all out". I don't have to wonder if he still feels the same way, I know now. I know I love and I am loved in return. Now he just has to figure out what to do with it.
We walk out to the cars, give each other a big hug and he tells me to drive safe, that he'll see me soon. I tell him to come up to my neck of the woods and I'll show him around my town. I tell him I want him to open up his bar, and I want him to really go for his dream. We hug and part ways.
This is familiar.
I don't cry this time though. I am ok going, I know he loves me. There is no doubt any more.
He calls a half hour into my ride to check on me.
Yeah, we're back. Just still not sure what "we're" defines. We're just us, I guess. Same as always.
And now I am ready for bed again. It's way past my bedtime.
-Audrey
