My quiet reflection was necessary to deal with a lot that was going on in my life. Necessary to keep it offline, necessary to keep the whole situation private.
I've had some moments of reflection, some moments of pain, some moments of heartbreak, moments of loss, moments of happiness... and just some moments that blew me away.
Recently, I have overcome a lot of the hurt that I went through, and have seemed to patch some of it up. The verdict is still out on whether it's patched for good or just taped over...
I'd like to believe that it's stitched up, and that the wound is still healing. I think that at the very least it's a start in the right direction. Life's about experiences after all, and some of them are going to suck, for lack of a better word choice.
Here's the thing, I have this overall belief that people are good. I've often called it "Anne Frank Syndrome", because in even seemingly the worst of people, I try to find their little spark of light. Because of this "character flaw" of mine, I've been subjected to the realization that not only are some people's intentions not pure, but most often I get hurt as a result of just being open and honest about who I am.
Now, it's not that I don't know there are bad people in this world, I just like to give them a chance.
So, what have I learned from this year's experiences?
I'm taking the time on this winter's solstice to think about it and blog about it.
January - I learned that some men want a relationship to remain in a hypothetical potential.
February - I learned that solitude and moving somewhere for the benefit of my children was the best move that I could make.
March - Girlfriends make you laugh, and help you get over relationships that fail- as well as kickstart your workout routine. Fresh air and hiking in the park does wonders for your legs and butt, but also has the added bonus of being pretty relaxing.
April - Going back to a day job after many moons of being unemployed or self-employed is a major adjustment. Also, old friends often have really good advice- "Never settle."
May - Sometimes even after a relationship is over, feelings linger on both sides of the fence. Especially when you have a good time hanging out with that person.
June - Friendships blossom in the warm summer air just like flowers do. Sometimes they turn out to be sweeter than you could have imagined.
July - Summer is HOT in Southern Indiana. Our "heat wave" lasted for about 30 days with temperatures in the 100s.
August- Just when you've let down the last wall you've built around your heart and soul, someone will come along and sucker punch you.
September - School starts, work sucks, you're trying to survive with an Emmy winning smile plastered on your face when it feels like God's playing a huge practical joke on you. The pain is so fresh, but so is the plaster on the new fortress you're building to protect your raw emotions.
October - The building of the new fortress is complete, and beginning to harden. You forgive, but you don't forget. Life seems to begin to move on, but the pain still creeps up on you when you least expect it.
November - Starts off fairly the same as October, with one interesting wrench thrown in. It seems that there has been contact after nearly two months of none.
December - Someone offers a peace treaty. Then another person offers a peace treaty. As much as you try and question it, the opportunity to look that person in the eyes is enough to realize that it's valid and binding. Healing can perhaps take place. The glimmer of hope is still there.
You realize that people don't have these types of emotions unless they've also been hurt before. Somehow you feel that there's a common thread in that pain. Conversations occur, as they used to, and somewhere, there's a healing moment that seems to begin to fix it all.
Plans are beginning to be made again, life seems to be moving back to that normal pace, and you're still questioning if it's alright to believe in this person again.
I still don't want this one published.
No comments:
Post a Comment