Having a tough day...

I'm just going to copy and paste what I sent to a friend... because it's worth it to save and remember... Here's the scenario... I've been positive, loving, open... and somehow opened up a big old bag of feelings that I had vacuum sealed and stored away... and now I'm dealing with them, healing them, but having one of those tough days. It takes energy to heal yourself... and I'm already about sapped.

So I was having this conversation about how open I tend to be with a girlfriend of mine, and how I sometimes am concerned that I might get hurt one too many times... is that possible? Here's what I wrote.
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I worry all the time that I'm going to become hard-hearted one of these days... I just give love... and give love... and give love... in the most innocent sense of being. I view myself as a loving being, trying to put as much good into the world as I can while I'm here... and whenever I'm open to it for a long while, I seem to end up with a scar on my heart from someone or something... it's like a rose with thorns. I end up giving roses and bouquets- then get scratched to hell by the thorns.

I should also add that I'm tired of being the only one to kiss my boo-boos away. One day, I hope to have someone in my life that will encourage me to shine my little love light and keep passing out the roses, but keep me safe from the thorns - and if I were to ever get scratched up, to fix me up with a band-aid and a kiss. Hey, a girl can dream, right?
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Of course a girl can dream. And wish. And hope. And believe. I'm human though, and sometimes a little impatient. On days when I feel badly, all I want are a set of safe, strong, loving arms to hug me and hold me and tell me it will all be okay. Unfortunately, I don't have that.
So I hug myself, say a prayer, try to deal with my feelings and somehow, push forward.

Old Japanese Proverb: Fall Down Seven Times, Stand Up Eight.

God, do I ever try to live by that one!!!!

In the mean time, I will be painting something, writing more, or doing something creative so that I can cleanse the hurt right out of me and focus on the positive things in my life, and the positive things that are coming my way. Clearin' the cobwebs, emptying that closet of regrets and disappointments, and making room for a whole lotta brand new dancin' shoes.