Confusion and missed connections/shitty timing.

I've had feelings all over the map.

One of my friends that I've known on a purely friendship and lighthearted level, who also has a girlfriend, confessed having feelings for me for the past five years last night. He leaned in to hug me, and kissed me instead. With this person, I felt the same way. There was a physical attraction that neither of us did anything about.

He's just my type, physically. The kind I usually find myself attracted to. Tall, dark, handsome.
He's creative, a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll.
He's my age, but he's not the type to run around. He's had a few girlfriends since I've known him, but his main lover has been the music itself.
For birthdays of mine that have required that I needed someone to rescue me, he's stepped up to the plate and always been my knight in shining armor.
In all the years I've known him, he's never treated me with anything but respect and honor.
He gave me a New Year's kiss in 2007 - an innocent peck on the mouth, when I realized that it was my first New Years in a long time without anyone to kiss.
He's got his shit together and comes from a family that has their shit together. I like his dad and know him well.


We still haven't. When I asked about his intentions, he was honest and told me he had none but that he just was tired of keeping it a secret from me. I could understand that.

I am emotionally involved with someone, but this kiss threw my little world into a complete tailspin.

It was that good.

Here I am, still pondering the entire sequence of events ... and I think it will continue to be that way for at least another couple nights.

Damn it, my timing always seems to off.

Ya Know...It's the little things...

It's the little things in life that can really make your day... I've had a phenomenal few days.

1. All this going through old material of mine has really inspired me and gotten my creative juices flowing again. Lots of writing lately, lots of thought.. and even lots of painting.

2. I had to make some room for some new things and ended up pulling out a bunch of clothes that I used to be able to wear a few years back when I was super skinny. Now, I haven't really been *trying* as hard as I could be to be losing this extra weight, but I have been eating smarter and moving more... anyway, I tried some of the clothes on, and even though some of them were tight, they went on and buttoned! For a girl, this is HUGE excitement. I was even able to wear one of my favorite jean skirts the other day.

3. Sometimes it's nice to feel appreciated or *remembered*... and that's happened a few times in the past few days for me. Even again tonight with a message from an old friend of mine... just makes a girl feel good.

Lazy Sundays are awesome, by the way. :)

Spring Cleaning & Poetry/Book News

It's time for a little spring cleaning. Not just my house, but my mind and soul too. My hurts, my experiences, my joys- all of those are like the leaves that fell last fall. IN THE PAST! As spring blooms around me, I am reminded that I am in bloom again too. I am reborn... Every day is an opportunity to grow, change and look forward. Nature doesn't dwell on the past, it strives for the future. I shall do the same.


I'm feeling REALLY positive today. There's just SO much potential within me - that is being unleashed today towards some GREAT things moving forward in my life. Life is a gift, folks... it's to be appreciated for every moment we are given. 
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Poetry.


I was going through my desk, in an effort to clean it up, sort it out, and do some cleaning... and I began paging through all my (many) notebooks that I've written in over the past six or so years and carried around with me. I've scribbled lines of thought, beginnings of songs, full pages of journaling, etc. in these pages, documenting my state of mind at various stages before, during and after my divorce, financial free fall and re-discovery of myself. I've also rediscovered my spirituality and found a faithful resolve. After picking up one of my hard covered journals, I recalled a conversation I had with a Nashville visual artist who inspired the then pricey for me, $18 hard cover journal purchase. He read through some of my works, saw pictures of some of my art, and responded with an email to me that included the following text: "You're a great writer, don't waste it on the music industry." 


A lot of what I had begun to write, started off as song ideas, and morphed into poetic verse instead. I guess you go with what you know at the core... While some of my writing can most certainly and has been morphed into song form, I almost always appreciate the original best. At present, the book is in the process of being compiled and hopefully the poetry and words I've written over the past several years, as well as the art I've created will be able to be appreciated- and possibly help others going through their own journey of self discovery after a major life change. The working title is "Reflections from a Scattered Mind".


Here's a snippet: 




On Taking Chances 




I allow myself to fall
Faster.
Deeper. 
There's no parachute
It's a free fall
I willingly took the step
I leapt from the cliffs
Trusted.
My soul knows that when
Opportunity knocks
I'll open the door
God shows me a way
I have faith in Him
I'll jump every time
And fall.
If you don't catch me,
hold me tight and
love me forever,
He will.


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Photo two.

Kaitlyn's johnny Appleseed guy

Kate and I made this together for a school project. I am thrilled with how well it all came together!!! So cute!