Ya Know...It's the little things...

It's the little things in life that can really make your day... I've had a phenomenal few days.

1. All this going through old material of mine has really inspired me and gotten my creative juices flowing again. Lots of writing lately, lots of thought.. and even lots of painting.

2. I had to make some room for some new things and ended up pulling out a bunch of clothes that I used to be able to wear a few years back when I was super skinny. Now, I haven't really been *trying* as hard as I could be to be losing this extra weight, but I have been eating smarter and moving more... anyway, I tried some of the clothes on, and even though some of them were tight, they went on and buttoned! For a girl, this is HUGE excitement. I was even able to wear one of my favorite jean skirts the other day.

3. Sometimes it's nice to feel appreciated or *remembered*... and that's happened a few times in the past few days for me. Even again tonight with a message from an old friend of mine... just makes a girl feel good.

Lazy Sundays are awesome, by the way. :)

Back from the gym

I took it easy today, and only did two miles on the treadmill, followed by a half-hearted attempt at abdominal work. I just didn't want to over-do it and then not want to go back. Next time, three miles. I also promised myself to find the yoga DVD that's packed away in a box and actually stretch it out tonight. I called my girlfriend Rhonda to see if she had anything I could use.

Food-wise, I'm going to cut back on some of my carb intake, and increase my protein and leafy greens. More fresh fruits/veggies, less bread and noodles. Which means, basically, that helushki for me is going to be off limits, unless I primarily eat only the cabbage and skip on the noodle pieces.

I weighed myself too. Gah. Let's just say I have 51 lbs to lose to get to my target weight.

Even though I had guessed about 50 lbs, I was sad to realize that it was quite the reality. Now, for the execution of the plan to drop this dead weight.

All I can think about is how cute I'm going to look rocking out that pair of jeans that I love so much... it's a motivator. I'm contemplating hanging them on the wall behind my bedroom door. I need to find myself a workout buddy too, I'm incredibly self motivated, but I know that on days I'm feeling lazy, depressed or pre-menstrual, I probably won't want to do anything but lay around- and I need a buddy who will deliver a swift kick in the ass on those days.

That's all for now. Time for me to do my daily housework dash, in my sneakers... I think that some of this should count as aerobic exercise.

Even Online Shopping Gets Me Down

Julia Childs Complex

I watched the movie Julie/Julia and I had to chuckle a little bit when Julia Childs mentions that she likes shopping for food in Paris better than dress shopping, simply because there's no store that carries her size anyway.

I'm not ridiculously obese, by any means, but I'm a tall girl with an overly ample chest size and about average size in the waist and hips. For me, clothes shopping can often be ridiculously frustrating. I love dresses, but can't find many that will accommodate my large breasts, and often times, I'm pretty much stuck to a v-neck to have it look remotely flattering.

I've only wanted a breast reduction since these things grew in, when I was about 16. They've served me well, and served my babies well, but now, they're fairly obsolete in the usage department.

As I crammed on three sports bras this morning to layer for enough "hold", I realized that I'm so tired of always having a sore back & sore shoulders- and I really wish that I could afford the breast reduction.

Plastic Surgery?

I'm really not the type of girl who likes needles, much less the thought of being sliced open, but in the past few years, I've tried to keep my eyes open for opportunities to sign up for TV shows or something that would allow me to get this surgery done without being financially in the hole. I've had insurance look at it before, and of course, they denied it- I would have had a substantial co-pay that I wouldn't be able to afford.

So maybe this is the year. After I lose the weight in my 50 day challenge, I think it's time to talk to someone about a marketing opportunity. I have enough tools in my own toolbox to make a deal with a plastic surgery office. For one, I'm extremely experienced in SEO - so I could always offer some of my services in exchange for some of theirs. I've been a marketing girl for long enough that I would and could offer myself up on the marketing table as well, in return for being placed upon the surgery table.

Surely there's an experienced doctor out there who needs website work or a marketing plan that goes beyond the typical "get yourself bathing suit ready" campaign.

Vanity

I'm not even ashamed to admit it. I like to look good. But what's so frustrating, was that I spent an entire hour and a half on Modcloth.com looking at really adorable dresses and I knew that the majority of those, I wouldn't be able to fit in, thanks to the twins. I have this fascination with all things 1940s, but a lot of the necklines that cut across the collarbone aren't flattering to a chesty woman.

I'm not saying I would expect to NOT have boobs, I would probably enjoy being a full C or even D cup. At the moment, I'm topping out at the DDD/F area. If some were to measure, I'm scared I might even meet up with Mama G.

I guess the next thing is to just keep working out and talk to people and see if this can be a reality rather than a dream. I'm so tired of carrying these girls around. Beyond the obvious weight of them, once I lose weight, it garners me even more of the attention I don't wish to seek. With the weight on, I still get it, but once I'm in shape again, it's worse- which is another reason I think I have allowed myself to put on the weight- I can stop some of the crass comments or men hitting on me. A subconscious sabotage to my own health for reasons of not being pursued so directly.

That sounds lame, but it's really something worth thinking about. It's not the only reason, but it sure is one of them.

Well, off to the gym. The treadmill and I are going to finally meet each other and I'm off to listen to Pandora while walking along- the snow has subsided enough that I can get out of my house.

At tax time, I may very well invest in a treadmill of my own again. I lost the last one I had in a storage unit fire.