What a weekend. Whoa.

Thursday


I didn't plan on doing anything for the weekend. Laundry, house chores, that was it. That was my plan. Thursday night, I got a text from my friend S. He was in Atlantic City and doing really well at the poker tables.


He got comped a suite and volunteered to pay for some of my expenses if I wanted to come down. After all, he said, he was celebrating his quitting his job. I let him know that I had gotten laid off, and he said - even better... let's celebrate us both being jobless for a day.


I laughed, and then he said he was serious. I began to seriously contemplate it. All I would have to do would be have someone get them from the daycare on Friday... A quick call to my neighbor J and all was taken care of.


E was able to babysit.


I left the house Thursday night at 9:30pm. I was in Atlantic City at 12:30am. I collapsed into my bed in the suite. Pictures are of the suite and view taken Friday morning.


FRIDAY
Woke up to the remnants of one of the hurricanes coming through. Waves were high, it was raining- it was a perfect day to spend indoors at the casino!


After a kick ass buffet breakfast, Sam went to check out a poker tournament to see if he was going to join, and once he was in that, he showed me the Spa.


He got my admission comped and a massage as well. While he played poker, I got a massage, went in the sauna, steam room, shower and just lounged.


Yeah, I could get used to that kind of treatment on a daily basis! It was fantastic. The massage therapist gave me this stuff called Ping On, for my aches and even to help clear my sinuses. It's from China, he imports it- it's a salve, kind of like vicks, but a little stronger. It's really great stuff.


I then went to the Hard Rock Cafe for a late light lunch, I got this awesome Bruchetta (my favorite!) and ate 4 of the 5 pieces, then wrapped up one of them for Sam. I checked in on the tournament and dropped off his snack. He was doing pretty well. I went back to the spa, emptied out my locker, went up to the room and laid down for a little bit, then I went back downstairs to the casino.


I hit up the craps table a little bit. $40 and I lost my ass. I normally do well at craps. But I did play for a while. I even hit the hard 8 for $90. I should have walked, but I didn't. I had fun though, and when I was done, I wandered back to the poker tournament area and found Sam had just finished. He said it was a dumb move on his part, but eh, he had fun.


So we went to the blackjack tables. We played with his money the rest of the night, grabbing a quick bite to eat finally somewhere around 9pm, and then playing in the casino - craps, 3 card Poker, Spanish 21 and we had an awesome run at the blackjack table as well. I had enough and was ready to go to bed by 4:30am.


I woke up in the morning and we had a nice sit down breakfast at the hotel, then played a few rounds of craps before saying goodbye and leaving. It was so much fun and exactly what I needed at that point. Atlantic City was good times with a good friend.

I also learned a lot about the games...and the odds.


SATURDAY
So I got in the car and started driving toward the Atlantic City Expressway, when I had this urge to call Jon. Not sure why really, but he was on my mind. So I did.


He was in the car, on the way back from M's. I cringed. Then he explained that they had a good, long talk. She was finally moving on and had met someone and wanted to really make sure they were done for good. He was on the way back to Maryland with all the stuff he had left there before.


He asked how Atlantic City was, since I had told him I was going. I told him about the fun I had and how it was really cool hanging out with my friend, but that I missed him and wished we could hang out again soon. He said, well, I'll be there in about 3 hours, drive south.


I thought about it a brief moment, and then continued on, are you sure? I don't want to come down there unless you're damn well ready to hang out and you really are sure that you want me to come down there...


Yes, he assured me. It would be a fun night out.

I called the babysitter next, and checked to see if he would be available for the overnight. He was, so I drove south.


We arrived into town at just about the same time. We met up at the grocery store in town, so that he could pick up some stuff on his way home. It was a good spot and we walked through the store together as friends, just chatting about things that were going on. I asked if I should buy a rotisserie chicken and he said, um, no... you drove here, I'm taking you out to dinner. And he smirked. The damn smirk that I completely love.


I smiled back and said... Okay.


When we got back to the house (he's renting a house now), we put away the groceries, talked for a few minutes and then decided to just hit the road for dinner. Before we leave, I show him my divorce paperwork. We went to a restaurant called "Cheeseburger in Paradise" - one of the Jimmy Buffet franchises. I wasn't all that hungry, and either was he, so we split some appetizers and caught up on family stuff. His kids, my kids.


Apparently D's going through a divorce, so his kids are getting their world shaken again. I asked him how they were handling it and he explained. I told him I was concerned about his youngest, the way he was handling it... and to just watch him.


I shifted gears into something more lighthearted, when I could see him tearing up about the kids. So we started talking about the bars we were going to hit up. He said he was going to give me a tour of some of the bars he likes in that town and we'd end up at the one closest to his house. I was ready for the challenge.


The first bar had an awesome backyard. Really, it was a smaller bar inside with a DJ spinning some country tunes and wood and knick knacks everywhere. When you go out the back door, there's a back bar, then covered porch and big yard with picnic tables and umbrellas, and even two mini hammocks as chairs.


We had two beers there, then we left so he could show me the next one.

The next bar was called Apehangers. I thought the name was funny, so I remembered it. It was more rockin' of a place, with again a back area with big tents and tables set up. It was raining, so we went out there, but ended up back at the inside bar. The inside bar is corrugated metal and has steps leading up to it, so people can get up and dance. And there's a bar at the top too, so you can hold on and dance if you want to.


There was a dj again, odd he said, because they normally have a band. I seized my chance after my first beer to see if they had a wireless mic and a song I knew. The DJ did, so I jumped up on the bar, mic in hand and sang "Gunpowder and Lead". When I got down, Jon was laughing and smiling and a bunch of people started coming up to me with compliments- then requests. I said I might do one more if it was ok with the DJ but I wasn't really there to sing, I just wanted to get it out of my system early on.


I did end up singing one more song. I stayed off the bar for "I Kissed A Girl" by Katy Perry. I just walked around the bar and sang along. People loved it.


There were a few guys hitting on me, and one mentioned Jon as "I don't want to piss off that big guy you're here with", and I turned around to Jon and put a hand on his back/shoulder and said, "Who, him? Oh, he's just my friend." And smiled.


Sometimes, you just have to put these guys in their place. Can't have your cake and eat it too. It was important to me to show him that I do have people interested... I think the best way to describe it is in the movie "The Breakup". Jennifer Aniston's boss says something like - "Go home, show him your blank canvas, and then show him another man eager to paint it."


After I was done singing the second time, Jon was ready to move on to our third and final location. He said he liked this place the best, because he knew the owners and they were a really cool couple. The bar itself had some pool tables, a big dance floor - oh, and it was Ladies Night- so at the door you paid $15, and drank for the rest of the night. (Beer). Guys paid $25. One beer in, and Jon tells me to drink up, he planned it so we were getting a ride home from the owners at the end of the night, so go ahead and enjoy myself.


Still a good deal. There were DJ's and they were playing mostly hip hop and some old school stuff. I danced the Electric Slide. I told Jon I would be his wingman and he could be mine. I told him to point out someone he was interested in and I would see if she was single, etc, feel her out for him. I did it once, thankfully she had a boyfriend- who was there that night. But she danced with me and we had fun. I told Jon it was his turn, and told him to pick someone he thought I might be interested in.


He bombed. He picked a tall guy, who wasn't remotely attractive. I'm giving him the NO sign from across the bar. He came back over laughing.


I did shots. Two Washington Apples, since Jon wouldn't drink it because it had whiskey in it. So I did both.


I go back out on the dance floor, shakin' it like I'm Beyonce. I notice he's talking to a fairly pretty brunette at the bar. I'm not jealous, but I'm aware. I see she's with some other people, so I realize I'm not interrupting and I waited till I needed a refill. I stood next to him like a stranger, and then Jon turns and said, she likes Washington Apples too- including me- and then ordered the girl and me a round, along with a jagerbomb for her friend.

The girl and I do the shot, then they are talking about names and he says, My name's Jon. She says, my ex-husband's name is Jon. Countdown to worst comeback to that comment ever? 3. 2. 1. He says, "I could be your next ex-husband." And smirks. She walks off and I tell him that was the dumbest redneck comment I've ever heard at a bar. I tell him it's no wonder he has trouble meeting women at bars. I offer pointers.


Here's where the shots jump in and take effect. Here's where the night turns interesting. We were playing a game of truth (no dare) and he told me to tell him something brutally honest. I explain that hands down, the most amazing night of my life was last December when I drove in to give him his Christmas present. I explain that no one will ever be able to top that night for me and how it was so amazing that I can still remember it so vividly, almost a year later. His eyes brighten when he realizes what I was talking about, then he scrunched his eyes and forehead, made a comment about how we can't be together because we live so far away, and stormed off to the bathroom. I sat there, and a tear ran down my cheek.


One guy I had talked to earlier in the night saw the exchange, and came over to see if I was ok. Of course, that makes it worse.


I dry my eyes and say yes, then go back out on the dance floor. Jon's back at the bar.


Last Call.


I drink one more.


I'm still having fun, but I'm avoiding him a little bit, I don't want to get into that long conversation we always have... when the owner is ready to give us a ride home, I call shotgun.
There's nothing more gratifying than pulling a seat forward for a 6'3" man to climb into the backseat as a mini revenge for the comment he made. While we are on the way home, we're talking with the owner and I know I made a few smartass comments.


We get to the house, I put on my pajamas. I want to make it clear to him that I'm not in any sort of romantic mood. While we're changing, we continue our discussion, and it starts getting heated. I'm honest. Brutally honest. More honest than I should have been. I didn't even try to find nice ways to say things. I was wasted.


He and I both had tears running down our cheeks. I told him how the littlest things remind me of him, like a stupid car with Indiana plates in front of me at the damn daycare, or finding songs that remind me of him, or INDIANA this, and INDIANA that. I tell him that while at the craps table in Atlantic City, I looked up as I'm rolling, and INDIANA is plastered across the endzone of a football field. I tell him I can't get away from him no matter how hard I try. I tell him I've tried dating, and every man eventually ends up falling short of where he is.


He tells me that he notices the small coincidences and me as well. Things that remind him of me, songs that come on the radio. Then he explains, how it's uncanny how whenever Melissa calls him or there's some sort of issue, that I have like this radar to check in with him at random. This makes us both feel better, but we're still emotional.


I tell him how I love his kids and I want him to open his bar, and I want to still make that dream we both had almost a year ago- to be a family- one whole.... a reality. This sends him into tears and out the bedroom door and into the living room on the couch. He's quietly sobbing. I feel bad because I didn't mean to make him cry.


I follow him out there, and he starts talking about him and moving with work and how can he give that to me, and it won't work... and I called him a jackass. Or a dickhead. Maybe both. I told him I wasn't asking him to give up time with his children, I wasn't asking him to change his schedule, I was just asking him to TRY our relationship and see if WE could make it work. I was on my knees in front of him and said, "I don't know why I seem to be a glutton for punishment, but God Damn it, I still love you with all my heart. I want to TRY!"


He sobs, and says, "What am I supposed to do, I still love you too!" Then he goes into his standard, but I work all the time, and I don't want to take time away from the kids and..... and I interject- "Stop being a pussy and man up- I love you, you love me, decide what you want and we'll work it out... together. Until then, I'm going to bed because I'm drunk and I'm tired."


I laid down on the bed, and a few minutes later, he comes in with some extra pillows and a can of Lysol. He's spraying them down, and hands them to me, explaining they smelled like his roommate's dog and he didn't want me to have that in my face, so he sprayed them down.


I say thank you, and lay back down.


I make sure that I turn away from him when I fall asleep, even though I desperately want to be cuddled up and in his arms.


SUNDAY

I wake up to pee at ten till eight. I'm not sure what time we got home the night before, or what time we finally ended up cashing it in, but it still seems way too early. My head is throbbing with a splitting headache. I try to fall back asleep, but nothing's working.


Jon reaches over, and puts his hand on my waist, then picks it up as he rubs my back. I roll over and he says, "Good morning". I say "good morning" and proceed to bitch about how my head is killing me. He smiles, and says, "Am I still a dickhead?"


I am confused, so I said, I don't think so, no.


He smirks, puts his arm back around me and says, "So we're still friends?" and I smile and say, "of course". I don't think he remembers spilling his "I still love you too" secret, or he's hoping I will forget.

I should mention, in going back over the previous night's events, that this is something we've done before. The first time he ever told me he loved me was after we spent a night out on the town together - it was actually after the Halloween party last year, and he told me about how on a checklist of things he would ever wish for in a woman, I was just everything- and more. And then he told me how it couldn't work out because of his job. And I got pissed, and we had a heated discussion, which ended up in him telling me he loved me. I think I called him a name because I told him I was willing to try. Again, same conversation. I went to bed dressed like a schoolgirl because I didn't have any pajamas. Full costume. So I think it was worth mentioning, that we literally had a repeat of a night where we were dating, and did the same thing.


The thing is we're both Aquarians. We're both feisty, we're both stubborn and we're both egotistical. Those are all good things, and we have this amazing spiritual and physical connection. There's just raw passion between the two of us, along with a mutual respect and friendship. But every now and then, we completely blow up - and it's never a meanspirited thing, but it's more a heated discussion. We get frustrated with each other, but it only ends up bringing us closer. I think that's the best way I can describe it.


He gets out of bed, and leaves the room. When he comes back, he brings me a Mountain Dew and three ibuprofen. I take them and thank him. I tell him I'm sorry if I was mean the night before. He says the same thing but says that aside from me calling him a dickhead, jackass and pussy, it was not a mean kind of conversation. I tell him I hate it when I cry when drunk.


He leans over, and says, so... if we're still friends, can we be "friends with benefits?". He smirks.
I call him a pig and playfully slap him on the head.


He pulls me into his arms. And oinks, then laughs. I laugh too.


I cave.


Damn, I missed that.


We get up, he gets in the shower, then I do. Get dressed and decide to go for breakfast buffet. We get his car on the way. I should point out that he has picked up the entire tab for my entire trip in Maryland. Over breakfast, we continue our conversation and like civilized people joke about the fun we had the night before. We avoid most references to our late night discussion.

When we finish our meals, I thank him for his invite and the good time the night before. Secretly, I feel so much better after our "all out". I don't have to wonder if he still feels the same way, I know now. I know I love and I am loved in return. Now he just has to figure out what to do with it.


We walk out to the cars, give each other a big hug and he tells me to drive safe, that he'll see me soon. I tell him to come up to my neck of the woods and I'll show him around my town. I tell him I want him to open up his bar, and I want him to really go for his dream. We hug and part ways.


This is familiar.


I don't cry this time though. I am ok going, I know he loves me. There is no doubt any more.

He calls a half hour into my ride to check on me.


Yeah, we're back. Just still not sure what "we're" defines. We're just us, I guess. Same as always.

And now I am ready for bed again. It's way past my bedtime.


-Audrey

An interesting weekend...

I've had these strange weekends lately... where I just kind of go out because I don't like sitting by myself.

This weekend, I ended up having more fun and coming to a realization after a long conversation with someone I care about very much.

I went to the Toby Keith concert up at Montage mountain. My friends were opening up for him - first opening act... and I hadn't seen them since I left Nashville. I texted Vinny, was hoping to see them just to say hi. And while he kept texting back, he ended up being a total dickhead... the only one who was the nicest to me (and apparently had not grown a head the size of Texas) was Butter, who wasn't as close of a friend anyway. I was a little disappointed, a lot offended... but I was forewarned that Vinny's head had gotten bigger than he is... I just had to see it for myself. Oh well.

I ended up hanging out with my marine recruiter friend. He is such a good guy. I really do like him a lot. We just hung out, drank beer and that was about it. I ended up leaving the concert a little early, just to score a ride out to my car. Heels + Gravel parking lots are not a good mix.

I decided to head down towards wherever the work crowd was partying... after all, it was a Friday night! Donna let me know that half of the remaining crowd was at Senunas and she and two other people were at Hardware Bar.

I have never been to Hardware bar, but Senunas was on the way, so I stopped in there before. Coming from a country concert, I didn't think Hardware was going to be the type of place I'd feel comfortable in my jeans and v-neck top- complete with belt buckle necklace.

I ran into some friends from work there, but had a better time once I saw that they had a two man band up there, two acoustic guitars and these guys singing some great tunes. I decided to stick around and even got to sing one with them. We exchanged numbers and I was so happy to have found a music connection- and someone who knows COUNTRY up here in PA! :)

I came home, crashed into bed and woke up to the sound of the kids running around. I had talked to Jon a couple days before about coming to MD to visit, as he had invited me to come down- and when I mentioned it would be hard to get away without the kids, he told me to bring them down too... there was a pool at the new hotel he was at, and they would have a blast. I told him I would kind of leave it up in the air... and decide what I felt like doing later.

So, I decided to head down there on Saturday morning. We didn't actually get into town until like 5pm, because we didn't leave till after lunch. Jon had been out riding his bike, stopped at a bar, he found out we were in- but was about an hour away with some guys from work.

I told him to not sweat it, I was going to get the kids in the pool and just hang out, I would talk to him later, please be careful, etc. We had the key to the room and there were a lot of families out there, so I would be fine and would see him when he got back. I got a call around 8:30pm that he was staying down there for the night and would see me in the early morning- because he didn't really know where he was about an hour away and the guys had a couch he could crash on. I told him to be safe and I'd see him in the morning.

The kids were all tired from swimming, and curled up watching TV in the room... so I ended up venturing out front with a beer in my hand. The same families from the pool were barbecuing and playing country music. Ah, home.

They invited me to come on down (they were like 3 rooms down) and hanging in the parking lot, so I sat out with them for a while, laughing and singing along to some tunes.

A while later, one of the guys comes back with this OLD karaoke machine. I mean, OLD. Tape deck old. It was basically just a large tape deck with a microphone. He announces we're gonna all sing karaoke. Sweet!

Only thing is, we were singing redneck karaoke. There was no music. Just the microphone! Hahaa! It was so much fun though, and they got a kick out of my voice. One of the girls recorded "when you say nothing at all" on her cell phone, she sent it to her friends. I was asked why I wasn't in Nashville with "a voice like that". And then I shared my story with them, that I used to live there and just had to take care of the kids... I'll sing for fun until I can do something else with it. We had been singing country, rock, bluegrass and good ole southern gospel.

One of the guys, the "crab guy", mentioned he wanted to bring his amp and his guitar around the next night and wanted me to sing. I let him know I didn't think I would be there as I had to drive home for work. Around midnight, I was feeling tired, and went back inside to crash out with the kids.

Somewhere around 7am, Jon came in, said good morning, and I pretty much pointed and laughed at him. After a hug and some chit-chatting, he laid down and dozed off next to me. The kids started watching TV and then I got the "I'm Hungry" vocal chorus, so we all got up and decided where to head for breakfast.

We all went to this family owned diner across the way, at their buffet, came back and the kids wanted to swim. Jon wanted to rest. Rough night for him. As the kids got changed for the pool, and got their towels from the front porch/stoop we had a few moments of peace - he was stretched out on the bed, just lounging and he leaned in and said he was glad I came... and that he was sorry for being out all night. I told him not to sweat it, and explained how I had really enjoyed hanging out with his neighbors. He pulled me close next to him and gave me a kiss.

I should explain what it's like kissing this man. I mean, I love kissing. I'm like a serial kisser. But it is ALL different kissing this man. I could seriously never kiss anyone else again, if I could be promised his kisses for the rest of my life.

My stomach flip flops, there's an electrical charge that just resonates through me and the combination of our bodies pushed together, and the gentle vs frantic kiss just all kind of flows in unison. It's amazing kissing this man.

What's more amazing is that I wasn't really expecting it.

I think that these lyrics from Lady Antebellum have just played through my head for the past 48 hours...

I know that the bridges that I've burned along the way
Have left me with these walls and these scars that won't go away
And opening up has always been the hardest thing
Until you came

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
I just can't take my eyes off you

I love when you tell me that I'm pretty when I just woke up
And I love how you tease me when I'm moody but it's never too much
I'm falling fast, and the truth is I'm not scared at all
You climbed my walls.

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
This feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
I just can't take my eyes off you, off you, off you

So lay here beside me, just hold me and don't let go
Oh, this feeling I'm feeling is something I've never known
And I just can't take my eyes off you
I just can't take my eyes off you

So I got back up, and composed myself. I had to remain in control of this situation, after all, I came down to see him as a friend... nothing more (at least that's the official stance).

I told him to get some rest, kissed him back just a peck, smiled... and got up. I told him that I'd just take the kids to the pool and he could catch a nap because we were going to head to Chuck E Cheese when they got hungry. Plus, he would need his energy for when I kicked his ass at Skeeball.

The kids swam again, and I hung out again with the families that were out the night before. They had a BLAST.

It wasn't much longer before they started to get tired of swimming and started talking about Chuck E Cheese, so I let them get out and we decided to go wake Jon up.

After stirring our friend who was sleeping like a hibernating bear, he reluctantly got out of bed and decided he was ready to get his butt kicked at Skeeball.

We got to the Chuck E Cheese and we got our lunch ordered and I pulled out the big bag of tokens I had been keeping for the kids to use. In addition to my bag, I also got some with our pizza and Jon bought some as well. We had TONS of tokens.

We decided to just go crazy with the games after we ate. I kicked his butt at Skeeball. He tried to cheat too! He really did, he climbed up when he realized I had beat him so bad, and slam dunked a 10,000 points... laughing the entire time. I laughed harder when the machine scoreboard read, "TILT".

The kids had a great time, and we collected all our tickets that we won, and left with 5 bags of cotton candy.

When we got back to the hotel, they all wanted to go swimming again. I was exhausted... told them to watch a tv show first and then we would go swimming yet again. As the kids watched Cartoon Network, Jon and I laid around watching with them. It was really nice just hanging out with him again.

When the kids were out in front of the room again, talking to the other kids they had been playing with and playing with the little toys they scored at Chuck E Cheese, he would sneak a kiss here and there. Then we just started talking about some of the things we really wanted in life, and I didn't let the conversation get too deep, simply because I'm letting him make all the decisions about where we go from here.

He's been the one to ask me to come, he's been the one to kiss me, he's been the one to pull me close. He's the one who is initiating everything. He's the one to call...

It was getting later, but the crab guy had just pulled in, and wanted me to sing with him... but he had work to do, so it turned out that I missed out on that. I got Jon and the kids dinner (Arby's and Burger King- and assortment!) and then we ate while it POURED outside.

When we were finishing up, the rain had let up a little too. There was the most amazing RAINBOW! Actually, it was a double rainbow, but it was the complete arch on both of them. One was so brilliant, and the other one was faded a bit, but it was so beautiful! Here are some pictures that don't do it justice.

As the evening was winding down, the clock was ticking. I forgot that I didn't have to work until 11am, but instead just had it in my head that I was going to have to be at work at 9am. So, around 8pm, I loaded everything in the car and got us all situated. The kids were in and out of the car, which was parked right in front of the room. I made everyone finish going to the bathroom and then I went in myself. As I was washing my hands, the bathroom door knocked lightly and then opened.

It was Jon, of course. He slipped into the bathroom with me, and wrapped his arms around me and gave me a huge kiss. Told me how good it was to see me, and that he was sorry again that he didn't make it back the night before. We talked a little about when we'd see each other again, just trying to quickly have 2-3 minutes with just us.

After a few more kisses, we left the bathroom and I got ready to head out back on the road.

Did I mention what his kisses do to my stomach? Oh, the flip flops were in full effect and a big cheesy grin was plastered on my face.

So we said our goodbyes, and I got on the road about 8:30. On the ride home, he called and we talked for a little while, but then I said goodnight.

I got home somewhere close to 12:30am. The kids and I stumbled in and all of us passed out cold. It was such a long weekend, but I'm so glad that I made it down there. It was worth the trip. He's talking about coming up here next.

I am planning on spending the next two weeks making this house even more homey looking. If he doesn't come this time, I will end up with a more homey house. I'm also going to set up my art studio downstairs. It's time I started painting again.

My creative outlets have been pent up for a while. I think I ju
st needed a chance to figure out what I wanted and a friend to bounce my ideas off. I came back into PA with a fresh resolve, and a renewed spirit.

Life is going to be pretty mellow for a while... That's a good thing.

-Audrey