This makes me smile.

From the movie The Proposal. There's this whole scene after the hilarious naked scene, where they are heading to bed for the night... and it's incredibly personal, Margaret shares a bunch about her personal life with Andrew... and they are all sorts of giggly.

I find that to be one of the most heartwarming scenes in the entire movie.

That is all.

Side note: I really need to stop watching romantic movies before I go to bed.

You'll Never Know

This song was on Big Love this past week, towards the end in the background and on the credits. Of course, once I heard it, I had to find it.  This song was sung in 1943, and this particular version by a lady named Vera Lynn. It was very popular, sung right in the middle of WWII as there were many women missing their men, and sending their love and prayers across the miles. 

For your listening pleasure, and again, simply beautiful and timeless music and lyrics...

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

You'll never know just how much I miss you,
You'll never know just how much I care...
And if I tried, I still couldn't hide my love for you,
You ought to know, for haven't I told you so,
A million or more times?

You went away and my heart went with you,
I speak your name in my every prayer.
If there is some other way to prove that I love you
I swear I don't know how...
You'll never know if you don't know now.

You went away and my heart went with you,
I speak your name in my every prayer.
If there is some other way to prove that I love you,
I swear I don't know how...
You'll never know if you don't know now.

To Make You Feel My Love...

I just felt like this song was so beautiful that I had to share. I've heard the Garth Brooks version, but I stumbled across this version thanks to my Pandora account. I listened to the words again, and then again... This is the kind of love I've got to share with the world...

Bob Dylan wrote this song, but this version is sung by an Irish artist, Mick McAuley. I very much like the simple strumming of the guitar with this, and his voice is so smooth. It's the type of song that I'll listen to as part of my "sleepy time" playlist. Surely this voice, the guitar strumming and these words would inspire many nights of pleasant dreams.

Enjoy...

When the rain is blowing in your face,
and the whole world is on your case,
I could offer you a warm embrace
to make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,
and there is no one there to dry your tears,
I could hold you for a million years
to make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,
but I would never do you wrong.
I've known it from the moment that we met,
no doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,
I'd go crawling down the avenue.
No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do
to make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea
and on the highway of regret.
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,
you ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.
Nothing that I wouldn't do.
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,
to make you feel my love


----

rumi; wise sage

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -Rumi


After watching "Valentine's Day" today with the kids, I heard one Rumi quote and decided that I needed to go read some more of his writing. As it turns out, I'm quite impressed with a lot of what I read. It also goes to show you that good advice stands the test of time. He wrote the above over 700 years ago. 


So it had me thinking. What are my barriers to love? 


In a general sense, I don't think I have many. When it gets closer to the heart on an individual basis, I'd say that I probably have to bring out the sledgehammer and start dropping walls. 


I had an interesting thing happen to me the other day. A guy that I went on a few dates with, nothing serious, and remained casual friends/acquaintances, was talking to me about relationships while we were catching up. We talked about our current lives and kids and the entire conversation was fairly lighthearted, then he switched gears. 


He told me that he knew that I wasn't really looking for a major relationship when he met me, because I did express that to him, but that he thinks that he held back a larger part of himself because he didn't want to seem to smother me with affection. He's a really nice guy, but honestly, there's a fairly larger age difference than I would like and I just didn't "feel" a deeper connection- or the potential for one. 


Then he asked about some of the people in my life now, and asked me point blank how I felt about each of them. When he asked me about one person, my eyes softened when he asked me, "Do you love him?" 


He caught it, and I'm not sure who was more surprised, him or me, that the words, "Yes, I do love him" tumbled out of my mouth with such speed and assurance. 


I'm not the sappy type, I guess, but that marked a first for me. Admitting it to someone else. 


Of course, that knocked down a pretty large and significant barrier within me. I was forced to admit just how much he actually means to me. And forced to live with that realization. So here it is, I do love him. Maybe one day, he'll love me in return again. Until then, I'm kind of happy just with the realization itself.

Little Life Lesson

I've been sick this week. In my congestion, I figured that the icy hot stick in my medicine cabinet could double as a vicks vaporub stand in.
The answer here is NO.
I now have a rash on my chest where I rubbed the icy hot.

Lesson learned.

Artwork

A piece of my art, that has me wishing for spring!

Odd dream/spiritual experience.

Last night I had a dream that really threw me for a loop. I'm not sure if it's in a good way, or in a bad way just yet.

I was me, but in two ways - one as an active participant in the dream itself and also then again as an observer.

In the dream, I met an adorable 9 month old baby boy with bright blue eyes. He was given to me. Yes, given to me. In the dream, someone physically gave him to me. The odd part about this, was that I also knew he was mine.  I was able to have full conversations with this nine month old (mental conversations) where he was speaking to me without speaking to my observer self, while the active participant self carried on about her day with him. I hope this makes sense to someone.

I was being told all about him. Things he liked, things he didn't. But what struck me most was that he had a name that he was most definite about. Thomas Aiden. Then, he told me that I would understand the significance later. That he was the proof that I was right.

When I started to try and put more pieces together about why he was mine- when I was explaining that I was very much done having children and had no plans for more- and funnier than that, no "baby daddy" on the horizon, his response was very clear. "You're not in charge".

I woke up in a cold sweat.

I spent the better part of the morning trying to shrug it off on the fact that I re-read the Breaking Dawn novel yesterday, in which Bella does conceive and deliver a child. Then I thought maybe it was also because a friend and myself were discussing our children last night before bed as well, so I had kids on the brain.

This afternoon I left the house for a while because I just couldn't stand to be at home alone with my thoughts and needed a distraction. But no matter what, all day long, I couldn't shake the image of this blue eyed cutie-pie in my head. Here it is, nearly 24 hours later and I'm afraid to fall asleep for fear I'm going to get more of his story. I'm afraid the dream is going to repeat and I'll be incapacitated in thought for another day.

I don't know what's scarier, actually enjoying seeing him or being told point blank, "You're not in charge". For little Miss Planny-McPlannerson, that didn't quite go over so well.

I even went so far as to look up his name meanings online, figured maybe it would help me understand something. Thomas means "twin", Aiden means "fire/flame".

While I understand the significance of the name, I'm still baffled by the idea of the child itself.

I should add that I'm freaked out slightly more because before I had Madelyn, years and years ago, I met her in a dream before I even became pregnant with her. The dreams continued through most of the pregnancy, on and off, and I knew what she was going to look like, and that she'd be a girl, before she was born. Of course, she was three in most of the dreams I had of her, and used to laugh a lot. She actually looked just like I knew she would when she was three. Her laugh was the same too...

I don't know what this means, and it could very possibly mean nothing. But, I'm still freaking out. The only "good" news is that I don't know how old I was in the dream. Maybe it was just a dream. Maybe.

For now, I'm sticking to my "I'm not planning on having any more children" mantra. I can be in charge of that just plenty.